Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Part 2, Vixen's Turn

Okay, so click here for part one.

Picking up right where we left off Ian, why do guys always say they call and don't? Why not just be upfront and honest and say, "hey, I really don't feel a connection, but it was good to meet you?"

Guys get your number and don’t call mostly for one reason: they don’t think they’re going to be successful. Getting your digits is a victory in itself, so they figure why not end on that, instead of risking rejection? Stupid, I know, but our version of this bone is we call and you don’t return the call. Again, I quote from The New Way to Date because this stuff is so simple and we complicate it so much.

“When a guy asks for your number and you want to be sure he calls, simply write your number down. Hold it out in your palm. When he takes it, squeeze his hand and smile at him. He’ll call because he feels confident he will get a date.”

The more you hesitate about giving a guy your digits, the less likely he is to call. Of course, you can ask for his, telling him, “I don’t give my number out but I’ll take yours.” Then you are sure a call will be made. If he hems and haws, he is non-confident and not worth your time. Real men are confident you will call and realize there are safety issues for you ladies.

So be direct and straightforward when giving digits...got it. I'm sure the other Bad Girls will chime in to tell you that 99% of men met while dating aren't worth their time. Hope someone will develop a better rating system soon..lol.

Who do you think has the most power in relationships? Men or women? Why do you think so?

Women determine whether you date or not; men determine the pacing of the relationship once you are dating. If it leads to marriage, women then take back the majority of power. I think this is why women are so cautious at the start of dating someone and men aren’t; then, once you are officially dating, the men tend to be cautious while the women aren’t. Why does it work this way? Could just be inherent. In nature, the male of the species is always trying to win the female; once she’s committed, the female tends to want to see it through.

Hahaha...yep, women on top all the way! As for the pacing of the relationship, I do agree with that principle...but for the majority of a relationship, the reins are hung up right next to the Louboutin heels. It would bring forth alot of evolutionary sociological issues just to study the pacing of a relationship...but we'll leave that for another day.

Why do you think a woman that sleeps with different men or has had sex with several men (more than 10) is considered a slut or promiscuous, but a man that does the same is regarded as a player? What is up with that double standard?

This is a great example of why I date differently. This is what I term a “stupid society rule.” I don’t consider a woman who’s slept with a lot of guys a slut. I also don’t consider a guy who’s slept with a lot of women to be a player. For example, if a guy simply buys women nice things until they sleep with him, he’s hardly a player. He’s just wealthy and has nothing else with which to work. I don’t give this concept much thought because it’s so utterly stupid. Forget about it and you’ll be much happier. It’s a great concept, though, to confuse people and muddle their thinking. Confusion enables easier marketing and the continuous sale of self-help books and articles in magazines. The goal isn’t to really help you; it’s to keep you as a customer. Look at a women’s magazine. In the same issue, they’ll reveal sixty new sex positions that will “blow his mind” (sex never does anything to a guy’s mind, by the way, except totally clear it when it’s over), and then give you a test to see if you’re a slut. The mixed messages, signals, and topics keep you confused. Guy’s mags do the same thing: They tell guys they should be getting all this sex but give no real insight as to how to get it, so, in the end, all the guys really get is photos of hot women. The inference is that if you buy the products advertised in the mag—like a $150,000 car or “ribbed for her pleasure-“condoms—you’ll get these women. I think the mag, book, and advice that steps up and offers real advice won’t have to worry about keeping or creating customers via perpetuating illogical, bogus notions; customers will keep coming for the enlightenment and continuous insight on the endless topic of dating and relationships.

Okay...to all my ladies out there that love sex...how many times have you been branded a slut? That is some societal brainwashing that we have to lobotomize out!

Are you attached or single? (I asked this because I know the Bad Girls wanna know!) Which state do you prefer best?

Single but possibly about to become attached. As I said, I have a third date tonight. I prefer to be dating someone, as I’d like to settle down and I enjoy the intimacy dating brings that you can’t get from a bunch of short term relationships, dates, or one-night stands.

Ladies...he's still sorta kinda free. Email me if you want his contact info;)

11. Is it possible to have great sex without orgasms? Have you ever had orgasmless sex?

I’ve been with women who haven’t always orgasmed and they like it, nonetheless; although, I’m not happy they didn’t climax. I really like to make people happy, especially in something so intimate. I have failed to orgasm only once and that’s misleading. One percent of the male population can maintain their erection after ejaculation. I fall into that one percent. While I keep the erection, especially strong if we go at it again immediately, it usually takes a long time for me to climax again… and if we go a third or fourth time, even longer between each. (I’ve only gone a fourth time once or twice; most women can’t go beyond three straight times, if that.) My “productivity” depends on how attracted I am to the woman, as well as how often we’ve had sex. If we’ve been intimate many times, I’m more relaxed and can go more times right after finishing. If I’m very attracted to her and she’s good with all the heavy breathing, sighing, crying out, and so forth, I can go again right away even when it’s our first time together. In either scenario, we typically have to change positions several times between my climaxes because my other muscles get tired—arms, legs, etc.

Okay, so once I was crazy about this sexy blonde with a tight body and great ass (I’m a butt man) who I had wanted for over a year. We had fooled around, even dated for a while, but she always left me in a lurch. The sexual tension between us was huge. We knew we couldn’t date and she didn’t want to ruin the friendship. Finally, though, we snapped. I finished after only a few pumps but, because I was so drawn to her, was easily able to maintain. We went at it straight for another 90 minutes. I couldn’t finish and she was tired out but I had a feeling we wouldn’t be hooking up again, so I wanted to experience every position with her… especially the one where her ass would be smacking into my stomach. So, I kept going until we had been in every position in which I wanted her. I would have kept going but she had plans to go to a comedy club that night with her live-in boyfriend. She climaxed a bunch of times while I only climaxed at the start… like 20 seconds into the whole act. Of course it felt good for me the whole time but I would have liked to have orgasmed a few more times; that would have been great.

12. Why do men ignore relationship problems? What is the most recurring relationship problem that you have encountered in your relationships? What about in your writings?

What? What are you talking about? Next question, please… If we’re with you, it’s usually not a problem in our minds, just yours. The being with you is our way of telling you it’s not a problem; we’ll just live with it. Men tend to accept women with their flaws; we also tend to accept the fact that you are always working to change us to an image of what you want us to be in your head. We prefer not to have an opinion as opposed to doing battle where we can’t win, unless it’s actually very important to us. Disagree, ladies? Have you ever thrown out your guy’s old shirt, chair, shoes, or whatever, not caring if he got upset or hurt? What would happen if we did that to you? Exactly. The truth is, we tend to be more understanding than you, even though it is painted the other way around. There are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to dating and relationships.

Skepticism is the biggest problem I have in relationships. I’m very direct and communicative; women have a habit of always wanting to “look for the truth” or “read into things.” So girlfriends will “look for the lie,” especially early on. At times it seriously interferes with enjoying just dating each other. I’ve always been a good communicator but now I am more than ever; having a book and three weekly columns with my name tattooed on them can lead to some serious misinterpretations and if there isn’t good communication on both ends, I can’t fix things. I have good insight but now it’s clouded—is there a problem because of something I wrote in a column? Something written about me on a message board? What you found when you googled my name? All these elements along with some women erroneously inferring that I condone treating women badly because they read a few clips of the book somewhere or (my favorite) think they know what I’m about and the book… without even reading so much as a sentence of anything I’ve written, leads to some seriously wrong conclusions. I’ve learned not to tell any women I meet about the book and columns until they know me well enough to know what I’m really about. I don’t give them my last name (can’t google) and I created an email address for them to use until I’m ready to tell them.

The single greatest problem people have in dating is self doubt. The majority of my writings address some part of this issue.

On that note we'll take a break. I can understand how self doubt and skepticism can ruin a relationship...personally it almost ruined mine at the beginning. This is why I'm such a big believer in dealing with your baggage BEFORE you get into a relationship, and this includes your personal views, biases and prejudices about the other sex. Not every guy is an assclown (just a good portion of them).

Tune in tomorrow for the next slew of questions.

Labels: Ask Vixen

Posted by Vixen @ 12:50 AM :: 0 trainees letting it rip!

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