Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Part 3...Vixen's Turn

As you can see, I've been really getting into this interview/questioning process. Having a good person to quiz has helped out immensely. We're back with Ian Coburn, the dynamic author of God is a Woman.

Read Part one, and Part two here. My questions/responses are in bold.

13. Have you ever had a threesome? Would you ever have another one? What's the big deal with men and threesomes?

I’ve had a couple of threesomes. I have no desire to have one again; I’ve learned you can be far more intimate and make things better with one woman. I have no desire to share that intimacy with more than one woman, anymore. I’ve even turned down a couple threesomes; however, if I was really attracted to the women and wasn’t in a relationship, I’d do it again. Two different women can really keep me going and when my stamina is on, they actually like the switching. Like I said, guys love variety. One of the most exciting things to us is seeing your breasts for the first time. We never know what those things are gonna look like until we see ‘em. We love that there are different shapes and sizes and that women make different sounds, like different positions, kiss differently, and so forth. The idea of having different shapes, sounds, kisses… at the same sexual encounter? Well, that’s awesome! I once hooked up with one woman who wouldn’t do it doggy-style; her friend wouldn’t give blowjobs. So, it worked out great. We simply switched off as needed and I got both. Until they experience one and realize the best intimacy occurs when you are with someone who makes you not want to share yourself with anyone else, men will always yearn for a threesome.

14. On the same note...what's up with giving women cum facials? We don't like that...ewwww!

That occurs when you’re dealing with a guy who has bitter or anger issues toward women. It’s a dominance, power-thing; the humiliation aspect of it in his mind turns him on. If you read about guys given them, they brag about it and have no real feeling for the woman, often laughing afterward. Guys rarely discuss specifics of sex but facials are an exception; I’ve had both guys who haven’t read my book but think they know what it’s about and comedians bitter toward women comment, “I got her to go down on me, then I came all over the bitch’s face.” Nice, eh? A couple times I’ve wanted to give one, because as you get close it seems like it would be exciting but then just as I’m about to finish, that urge completely vanishes. I have no desire to do something that I perceive as unpleasant and humiliating to her; so, I make sure to give her breasts a bath, instead, which is far more appealing at the moment of truth and not at all humiliating or unpleasant for her. Plus, after a blowjob, I want to look into each other’s face and smile, not see her grimacing and closing her eyes to avoid getting them stung. Truthfully, most of the women I’ve hooked up with swallow. (Early on, a woman who gave me head explained that if you suck like your working a straw as the guy cums, you can easily swallow and there’s no mess. So, I’ve shared this with women who didn’t swallow—friends, just in general conversation, whatever. Guys, thank me; I’ve created a lot of swallowers! ) If a guy gives you a facial, there’s a very good chance he’s a misogynist, especially if he promises he won’t do it but then does.

15. What do you think about men that are 'Pickup Artists? Have you ever engaged in such behavior? Why or why not?

I like one thing about pua’s: they’ve created an open dialogue on forums across the Internet where there wasn’t one, previously. Men don’t talk about sex and women much beyond “Look at the tits on her,” so the anonymity of the boards and sharing has really helped guys communicate better. Most guys looking to pua boards and practices aren’t looking to become pua’s; they’re just looking for some pointers here and there and honestly like women.

The problem with being a pua is the technique. The guys who founded it are bitter toward women, trying to make up for past rejection in high school and college. (I know; I used to harbor the same resentment but I pushed through it.) They need to be the cool guy who got all the women they couldn’t get back then and want guys to look up to them. In fact, they encourage guys to steal women from their boyfriends. (A practice which supposedly led to the downfall of the recognized founder of the group—his own top followers stole his woman.) This smacks of issues. All the techniques are geared toward shallow, vain women (I call them “trixies”). They tend to be models, the women who spend all their time at clubs, and so forth. The bottom-line is pua’s aren’t comfortable with women; they’re comfortable with their game. Those are two very different things. The basic principle is also mean: negging. In short, this means to spot a woman’s insecurities and to use them to make her feel bad about herself. (This works because trixies feel a need to prove their worth and that worth lies in the visual world—physical appearance, fashion, and let’s not forget the shoes. Oh God, the shoes…)

I’m glad you asked this question because bad boy, pua, and player often get lumped together and they are far from the same thing. For instance, a pua uses a woman’s insecurities to make her feel bad about herself; a bad boy uses her insecurities to make her feel good about herself. That’s a huge difference and a key reason why pua’s tend to have little to no female friends while bad boys have truckloads of ‘em.

FYI: Women that get taken by the PUAs really do have esteem issues. A Bad Girl would see through all that bullshit! I can't believe those guys actually get women!

16. Since you believe men should have women friends, how do you deal with a jealous girlfriend (who is awesome in every other way) that doesn't want you to have other women friends? Do you dump her or dump your friends?

This woman would concern me because she would have to be quite stupid. Women know I have a lot of women friends right from the start. When the woman I’m seeing tonight found out I play volleyball on a team that consists of me and all women (usually it’s a mix of 3 and 3), she just shook her head and smiled, “Why am I not surprised?” You know I have women friends, I don’t hide it, so you’d have to be some kind of fool to expect that to just change. Plus, I look at it as a sign of low self-esteem. Dating someone with self-esteem issues is a nightmare. (“No one can love you until you love yourself;” very true.) So, she’d be gone before she finished the sentence, “It’s either me or your volleyball team of wo—“

Hahaha! What if she was the One but had issues in her past with cheating exes? Wouldn't you cut her some slack?

17. What's one example that you haven't shared about your vindictive streak.

Once after a show, a birthday girl who was into me came up to me with her friends. I was into one of her friends and not her. I convinced her friend to ditch her and come up to my room so I could give her a free t-shirt (I sold t-shirts from the act) for the birthday girl… and something for her. We started to make out and she wanted to leave about a dozen times but I kept pushing, even hiding her purse at one point. Finally, I just took my pants off and hung her keys off my penis (they had that plastic wrist coil on them). I refused to give her the keys; she had to come and get them. When she did, I pulled her skirt up and thrust into her. “Please, please don’t; please stop.”

“Are you asking me to stop for you or her?”

“For her.”

I pulled down her panties. We had some great sex. Of course, she felt horrible the next day. I look back and can’t believe how big a jerk I was. When I finally realized it, I really hated myself. (I did give her a t-shirt for the birthday girl, though; true to my word…)

18. I wouldn't think that was vindictive...just selfish. She was trying to live up to the Sisterhood code and you seduced her out of her good intentions. You bad bad man!

On a scale of 0-10, with 10 being a Great Guy and zero being a total Asshole, rate your level. Why did you give yourself such a score?

7.5. I really am a good guy now and have been one for eight solid years. I know who I am now, what I want, and am sensitive to others, including women, no matter what my interest. Because I’ve run the gamut on this scale—from 10 (voted Sweetest Guy in high school) to probably 1.5 (was never a misogynist or total asshole but saw some 0’s for sure), I feel confident in my rating. I think the 10 would be the nice guy, push-overs and then after that is the confident guy who also knows when to be the bad boy, as needed. That’s exactly who I want to be and who I’ve come to be but it’s been a long, interesting journey getting here, that’s for sure! You want to be a good guy, not a nice guy or bad boy. The good guy is the bad boy with a couple differences: he knows himself and is emotionally available. I’d put bad boy at about 4 on the scale.

He ranks himself a 7.5. I'd probably push him up to an 8 for writing God alone. Happy New Year's Even everyone! Be safe.

The final part in the series will be published tomorrow!

Labels: Ask Vixen

Posted by Vixen @ 1:09 AM :: 2 trainees letting it rip!

Talk to Me!

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