Wednesday, June 20, 2007

When He Pulls the Disappearing Act

Definition: A disappearing act occurs when you've been dating or talking to someone for while and all of a sudden, he/she stops returning your calls, doesn't reply your messages, is unreachable, and pretty much drops off the face of the earth.

I know from personal experience that getting the disappearing act pulled on you is upsetting and quite irritating. Depending on how emotionally invested you've gotten at this point, it might actually be a blow to your self esteem. It's bad enough getting dumped...but then getting dumped with no reason given? Yeck!

Some women spend several weeks and months still trying to find the guy, doing everything from stalking his frequent haunts to hiring private investigators to find out what happened to him. I remember in my youthful naivete, I once called a guy at our usual talk time every day for a week before I finally got the message. We even make up excuses for him in our head of why he's not calling back. I've heard of all kinds of excuses, from he's really busy all of a sudden with work, to he went out of town, he lost his cell phone etc. etc. All of these baby girl, are just plain excuses, you should be listening to the real message by his action.

The message, as much as it sucks is plain and simple...he's not interested in you. A guy that is interested in you will make the effort to see you and talk to you, if he lost your number he will move heaven and earth to find you. If he went out of town, he would email you to let you know this. If he is going through something, he would be courteous enough to tell you this so you can understand. A guy that just pulls a disappearing act is no longer interested, and he is too chicken to let you know why. Most of these guys apparently don't want to have to deal with the questions and histrionics that a decent break up would lead to, so they just cut out and move on; no fuss, no muss.

Hanging around waiting for him to re-appear is pretty much a waste of time. Your best bet would be to chalk it up as his loss, get your flirt on and move on to a guy that is more appreciative of your presence in his life.

Sure, he might reappear somewhere down the road, but if he does, know that it's not because he's all of a sudden really interested in you but it's because you've become his fall back girl, the chick he calls when he has nothing else to do/fuck or talk to. And you are so much better than a back up babe.

So, the question was, how long do you wait after a guy pulls a disappearing act to move on? Right then and there. The moment you realize that it's been a week and still no response or message from him is the moment you cut your losses and get back into the pool.

Ladies, how long has it taken your (or a friend) to realize that he pulled the disappearing act?

Labels: Ask Vixen, Dating

Posted by Vixen @ 3:08 AM :: 9 trainees letting it rip!

Talk to Me!

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