Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Done with Sex/Men & Dating: Meet Kelly

What this "comment" boils down to is that I am really beginning to get concerned about my lack of interest in not only men but sex in general. As you know, I went through a rather ugly divorce from the man I considered my soul mate (Sept. will be 2 years.) I'm not hung up on my ex in any way, shape or form but I do find that I miss the connection that we once shared. I don't necessarily miss having that connection with him but just having that sort of connection with another person period.

What concerns me the most (lol, which is why I have read your site for so long) is that I am....used to be a VERY sexual person, I loved sex, adored it and wanted it more than any other woman that I have ever known. Now....and since my divorce I find that my mind rarely even considers sex anymore. Coming from a woman who "pleasured herself" in between sex with my husband, it's rather surprising to me that I now have -0- interest in sex. NONE whatsoever. I can't even remember the last time that sex crossed my mind.....probably the last time that I had time to stop in and read your blog. I also have no yearnings whatsoever to meet, find or date a man.....and no, not a woman either in case that crosses your mind. :o) I don't know if my sexuality is 100% tied up into my feelings for my partner and no partner = no interest but I gotta tell ya....I'm more than a little concerned about this.

Answer: I think it's completely natural to go through phases of your sexuality. Especially after going through a deep breakup and divorce. The period after divorce is actually one of mourning, it's almost like someone died in your family. You lived with someone that you thought was your soul mate for several years, loved him, planned your life with him and had that vision completely shattered. Not only that, but the events after the divorce were ugly enough to leave a bitter taste in your mouth about men in general. I'm not advising you to wallow in your bitter feelings---but accept this phase as completely natural.

Part of the survival technique post breakup/divorce is to focus your mind and priorities on other elements so that you don't have to dwell in the pain of the broken relationship. Your mind has turned to survival mode. You've turned your focus to your career in nursing school as well as the kids and this is a healthy shift. There isn't anything wrong with where you are at. Some of your friends might argue that it's been long enough and for you to move on already---but you can only move on when you are completely ready to do so. We can't use other peoples yardsticks to measure our lives. Your mind, soul, body, heart and spirit all must fully heal and when that happens, the shift will reoccur and all your sexy crazy coolness will come right back.

I believe that all elements are combined together and work together as a whole. So if your sexy is fine and your heart still isn't, there is going to be a disconnect. There is nothing wrong with you...nothing at all. Just keep doing you and relax...the Goddess is still there, she's just in hibernation for a while. She'll come roaring back to life soon and then you'll be humping poles and stuff;)

Good luck.

To the room: Has anyone else experienced this post breakup/divorce? What did you do to get over it? Have you gotten over it? Did the Goddess come back better than ever?

Labels: Ask Vixen, Break Ups

Posted by Vixen @ 11:19 AM :: 3 trainees letting it rip!

Talk to Me!

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