Bad Girl's Guide

Monday, May 14, 2007

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

My boyfriend of almost two years approached me and told me that he had met someone and there was a "spark type thing". Actually he had been acting weird so I interrogated it out of him. I broke up with him because I didn't feel like it was fair to me. I know that he loves me, and he acknowledges that I'm the world to him. I can't imagine not having him. Do you think I made the right decision? I personally have been in the same position, I met a really great guy while my boyfriend and I were dating...nothing ever happened with that guy but there was something there that I could have pursued but I never really had the desire to leave my boyfriend, or ex boyfriend. I initiated and pushed for the breakup because unless he's willing to commit to me and is positive that I'm the only one for him I can't be there and watch him ever wonder what life would have been like had he met this girl when he was single. Any thoughts or advice for a bad girl in training who feels like shit. are being a fabulous Bad Girl all by yourself. I know you must be going through emotional angst, hurt and disappointment right now, but you followed your instincts and trust me, they are serving you well. It's such an awful feeling when the person you want to be with has a 'thing' for someone else. It's more unfortunate that he didn't man up and tell you until you interrogated him, but your sixth sense really did steer you right, something was up with him. I know that it's instinctual to want to hang on to someone especially after a significant amount of time together, but he's in a totally different phase than you are. He's still looking around, with you for the moment until someone 'better' comes along. You on the other hand stated that you want a deeper level of commitment. Obviously the two of you weren't on the same page.

A "Spark Type Thing" as much as he would love to declassify it is a synonym for saying that not only does he have an attraction to this girl, not only does he want to have sex with her....he also feels an emotional connection. Your boyfriend feels an emotional connection to another lady. I don't know if this is an instant spark deal or if it's something that's grown over time, but something is fishy in his story.

I agree with breaking up with him---I would have done the same. I don't want to play second fiddle to anyone's ideal of what their dream partner should be. If I'm not the one for you, then let me free so that I can find the guy who is truly right for me. Remember, an ideal relationship is a reciprocal one, one that exhibits on both sides the ideal chemistry, intensity and emotions that the other person feels as well. If you are more in love with him than he is with you, especially to the level that he has a "spark type thing" with another woman, then you are selling yourself short and should cut ties. My gut feeling is that there is something more to the story about this Spark lady that he's not telling you. You will probably never know, but at least you broke up with him before it got alot worse. I know you are thinking that maybe after Spark Lady is out of his system, he might be ready to settle down with you. That would happen, in an ideal fairy tale, and we all know that life is rarely like the fairy tale. He isn't ready to settle down...and might not be for a loooooooong time.

Kudos to you for thinking with your mind, gut as well as your heart. Hang in there sweets...remember with every relationship, every heartbreak, you are one step closer to being your ideal self and meeting your ideal mate. Now go stock up on some ice cream, your fav breakup jams and rally your girls around. Oh...and here are some other tips to help you along during the next rocky few weeks.


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