“There’s something new in bed that I would like us to try,” your lover broaches one evening. With trepidation you listen to his request, knowing that no matter how open-minded you are, there are some things that you will never, EVER do. What do you do when he wants you to do something in the sack that isn’t your cup of tea?
I always operate on the “Try It Once” policy. If I have never tried something, and it doesn’t sound too freaky, I will give it one shot. As in only one, if you mess this up or I don’t like it in any way you will stop immediately and I’m totally crossing it off the list forever and ever don’t ask me ever again!
If I had tried it before and have had a bad experience with it, I’ll articulate this to him. Knowing most guys, he will try to rationalise or allay your fears. “You didn’t try it with me so it doesn’t count. I’ll make it really good,” he might say.
Just keep in mind that your fears are very important and should not be pushed into a corner. You do not have to do something that you don’t want to do. Ever. There is no obligation that automatically comes with the assumption of a relationship. If having a boyfriend comes with all kinds of kinky, freaky strings attached involving animals, midgets, bondage or S&M I would rather forgo the boyfriend then give up my attitude. Because sex is supposed to be fun. And if you are doing something that you aren’t enjoying—HELLO, it’s no longer fun!
Be sure to communicate your feelings with him. If it seems like something you might be into, tell him that you will try it or think about it. During this thinking about it phase is when I talk to my girls to see if they have ever done this and what their stories are. Because honestly, I don’t want to learn the hard way that hand-blown glass really does break in one’s vagina.
As in all elements of a relationship, communication in the boudoir is very, very important. If he keeps pressuring you, or won’t let up on it no matter how many times you tell him no, suggest a really freaky idea of your own. I’ve found most guys back off really quickly when I tell them that to trade I have this fantasy of sticking something huge in their nether regions. Heh!