Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Going Dutch

Definition: Paying for half of the bill when out on a date.

BAaaad girls do not go dutch. They do not split the bill. EVER. This relegates your date automatically to the status of a friendship. Friends split bills, daters don't.

Ok, so it's hard to sit pretty and smile a thank-you when he takes care of the bill, but it's what you as a Baaaad girl are going to have to do. He invited you out, he knew where he was taking you, he knows how much it's going to cost and he's planned accordingly. Any guy that expects/lets you pay for any date is not worth your time...he's a cheapskate.

You had to plan for the date as well. You chose your outfit with care, you did your hair, makeup and nails. All this is additional time and expense on your part to gussy up for his presence. That is your financial input for the date. (Run the numbers, you have probably spent more).

If he wants the pleasure of your scintillating and fascinating company...he is going to have to show up and provide. Simple. Guys want to prove that they can provide, it's the whole Alpha male Neanderthal thing, so let him provide, and don't cut into his ego by insisting on paying. Don't even make a play for the check, the Reach is not considered good dating etiquette.

The only exception to this paying rule is if you invited him on the date. (Which should not be done, but this will be covered later). Also, if he has officially asked you to become exclusive, aka he is now your boyfriend. That is the only time you pay, and when you do, you pay for the whole check and don't divy it up.

If you insist on splitting something (AND THIS IS ONLY ONCE YOU TWO ARE EXCLUSIVE), you pay for the movies and let him pay for dinner. And don't keep a running total of who has paid more and such...that is just crass.

I used to try to go Dutch. I wanted to keep in control and dictate how the date went. I felt that if I paid for my half, then I wasn't obligated to him for a thing. Until I realized that every single dude that I split the check with ended up being a friend or acquaintance rather than a boyfriend. Whether or not he pays, you still aren't obligated to do anything. You aren't obligated to finish the date if you don't want to, you aren't obligated to kiss him, or even give him a hug, you aren't obligated to kiss him gnight and you are NOT obligated to sleep with him. Just cos he spent money on you for a few hours does not give him any right whatsover to your person. The ball is still in your court.

I know that as a woman of the 21st century, you want to prove that you are independent and can handle your finances, but I'm sure that you come across as independent without actually having to open your wallet.

However, always carry enough cash on every date for incidentals, aka, the date goes sour and you need to catch a cab home, or he decides not to pay etc. If anything occurs that makes you break into your emergency date fund, he is automatically disqualified. You should never go out with him again, he's not worth it. Trust me, if you keep at it, it will only lead to more heartbreak later on down the road. So just nip it in the bud.

Remember, going dutch splits the potential for a romantic liasion by half. It diminishes the date instantly into a meeting of friends. Don't sell yourself short. Never go dutch. REPEAT.

Never go dutch.

Labels: Dating

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