Monday, February 18, 2008
When He Can't Stay Hard
I have been a fan of your site for quite a while now and was hoping that you could help me and my long term boyfriend with our problem. I have been in a relationship with this young man for 7 years. He was sexually experienced when I met him but I was a virgin when we began dating. He was my first sexual experience and I thought the sex would get better with time – I was so wrong. In the beginning we would have sex like rabbits – sometimes 5 and 6 times a day and now we have sex maybe twice and then I have not gotten off either time. I really love him – if not for this one problem I would be so good to go. He has proposed to me like three times and I want to accept but I can’t see marrying someone who does nothing for me sexually. To further complicate things I am 25 and he is 26, if he can’t satisfy me now how is it going to be in 15 years when I’m in my peak? The problem seems to be that he can’t keep an erection – to be frank it being a two minute man might be an improvement! I don’t know what to do and he knows it’s a problem but he thinks something is medically wrong. Do you have any suggestions?
Hells bells, I don't even know where to start with this. First of all, it sounds to me that although your guy has some probs in the boudoir, he is keeping you happy in every other sphere of your relationship. So props to him. Sex is VERY important to me; and I know it is to alot of people out there. Some others however, can have a very solid and happy relationship without it--but honey, you don't sound like one of them.
For most people, our young 20s was a period of exploration and development in the sexual arena. However, you two have skipped that whole period entirely and I think that's affecting your sex life. I think you should both learn together and be adventurous together. I think having the same sex for 7 years does turn bland after a while and this sounds more like the problem that the duration of his erection. Both of you are treating sex like an obligation, and that does decrease the passion.
Most men are capable of controlling the pace of their orgasm, and for having sex 5-6 times a day, I think he was able to control himself back then. It just sounds like he doesn't want to anymore, or you are so adept at pleasing him that he can't. So how can you get more sexually satisfied with your man?
- Take a break: Whether it's a few days or a week, a break will help you rediscover your passion in the boudoir. A Sex Fast (as I like to call them ) is basically both of you agreeing not to have sex for a while but still teasing the hell out of each other. This flirtatious energy and thrill of wanting adds a delicious aura around you both. Especially when you both turn each other on but don't engage in any sexual activities. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder and the pussy cream.
- Talk to him: Tell your guy what your issues are. He probably either doesn't know that it's such a big issue or that it's impacting you as much. Communication is the key so be upfront and tell him how you feel. Encourage him and give suggestions on how to please you more.
- Take the pressure off: You shouldn't be so focused on the destination as much as the journey. Sex is not just about orgasms, it's about the connection and passion that you share. His lack of hardness might just be him caving to the pressure of your inevitable disappointment. That's a lot of stress for a guy and his little friend. So tell him it's okay, and introduce other elements into the boudoir.
- Know Your Weaknesses: You should already know what turns you on and what doesn't. TELL HIM! You can never err in showing your guy what pleases you. Remember, only 30% of women are able to cum with both penetration and clitoral stimulation. You might be in the vast majority and can only cum one way---so know which works best for you.
- Let Him Cum First: Don't be so upset by the fact he's a 2 minute wonder. Usually a guys second erection has more durability than the first. So do your thing and if he does cum, keep playing with him until he gets hard again. Then have him do you right.
- Get a Cock Ring: I haven't tried one of these but it was just recently suggested by another reader. I guess the premise is that it blocks/slows down the vessels that secrete semen, thereby slowing the orgasmic process for the male. It's worth a try.
- Get Freaky: Head to the sex shop with your man and purchase anything your heart desires from naughty lingerie to sex games, handcuffs, blindfolds, flavored condoms and my personal favorite, a wonderful multi-speed bullet or vibrator. This will introduce a whole new adventurous and sexy vibe into your love-play. In addition, I've seen all kinds of gadgets and herbal concoctions in there that are supposed to keep your man hard longer...you might wanna try that too.
I hope this helps and you guys get over your hump and bring the sexy back.
Labels: All About Sex
Posted by Vixen @ 5:32 PM ::
4 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!