Monday, June 27, 2005
After consorting with a few of my girls, ladies who epitomize what a Baaaaad Girl is, we narrowed down the list of the awful dates and relationships we have had to eight main categories. These are the men that need to have a KEEP OFF sign tattooed on their foreheads, the guys that we have sworn to stay away from. If you have any other categories, please leave a comment and I will amend the list.
The Emotionally Challenged: These are the guys that are still heartbroken over their last relationship, carrying enough baggage to clothe the whole of China and who are still nursing a broken heart. They aren't totally crap, but it will take alot of effort and nursing on your part to bring them up to the level that they are ready for a decent relationship. Do you really have the time and energy to play 'Nurse-Mommy?' The lower spectrum of the ECs are those that have closed off their heart in the hopes that they won't ever hurt again. They are quite dangerous and are liable to callously take your love and care without even a thank you and hurt you on purpose. Avoid at all costs.
The Momma's Boy: The name says it all. These are guys that are still tied to their mother's apron strings. Usually an only child, or the last offspring, she has her hand in every aspect of his life and isn't reliquishing control. You will have to fight tooth and nail for every scrap of respect that you richly deserve. The Momma's boy loves his mother to the point of obsession, typical Oedipus complex. She cooks for him, cleans up after him and runs his life. He may/may not live with her, but either way, she's the main woman in his life. There is no way you could ever compete with Mommy dearest, so don't even try.
The Playa Player: This is one of the most dangerous categories. A playa is a guy that knows how to play the dating game; he is quite adept at getting what he wants and usually that is to get in your panties. Between the ages of 18-early 30s, a player knows every quaint, cute yet cheap restaurant out there. Playas are usually bad tippers, who take you to places with low health ratings and ply you with alcohol. For every cent they spend on you, they expect to get a dollar worth of pussy. They are good with the words, and are quite charming, but are usually master manipulators. Run the other way.
The Jobless: Jobless covers alot of ground and doesn't just mean unemployed. A jobless guy is your typical video game playing, sci-fi obsessed homebody who would rather stay home and conquer the next level of Halo 2 than go out and get a breath of fresh air. He doesn't have a job, he's still living with his parents or he only works because he has to, but every spare minute is spent in front of a monitor of any kind. He has no time for you, doesn't pay you any attention, and isn't worth your while. If the guy spends most of the day indoors playing games, he's jobless. Drop the bum like a hot potato and move on to the next good thing.
The Homosexual: He might not be out of the closet yet, or might be on the down low. Either way, a gay guy is not the right guy for you. I myself have had personal experience with this and now my Gay-dar is fully activated. If you don't have one, or you think it's broken, borrow your friends'. If majority of them agree that he's gay, it's probably true. It's better to know sooner rather than later. You cannot turn a gay guy straight! Repeat...YOU CANNOT TURN A GAY GUY STRAIGHT! Spare yourself the heartache and move on.
The Critic: "I think i would add "the critic"...to your list...anyone who (beyond reasonable social awareness) criticizes your work, your friends, your family, or your ass...stay far away!"~ by smartypants. This also includes any guy with a negative personality. If he is constantly pessimisstic and complains alot about you, your decisions, your life...he's not worth your time.
The Taken/Fuckwits: From my recent experience, I'd like to add The F***wit to your excellent list.You know the type; they only tell you they're with someone/engaged/married with 2 small children AFTER you've fallen for them. ~ by Hannah. So very aptly described. These are the guys that take off their wedding band when going out, but you can still see the white tracings on their ring finger. Men who give you only their cell phone number even though you have been on several dates, and who never let you come to their residence, or have their home number. Please pay attention to the warning signs ladies, and avoid the heartbreak.
The Whiner: The guy who's always complaining that no women like him, nobody likes him, his work is always trying to screw him, everyone is rude to him, etc. At first you think he's just gotten a bum deal on life, but no matter how happy you think he'll be once he's in a good relationship, he's not. And the whining will get to you sooner than later! ~by Rowan.
The Scientist: You are never, ever going to be as cool or as interesting as his job. You can not take him anywhere, or introduce him to normal people. He is arrogant, opinionated and would rather lecture someone than engage in normal conversation, and in general they suck in bed! ~ by Spin Doctor
Things to Keep in Mind
- Any man who refers to himself as "A Grown Ass Man" is in fact just an immature boy playing dress-up. Grown men do not have to advertise the fact that they are grown, actions speak louder than words
- Any man who doesn't have a regular LEGAL job is not for you. I don't care if he is a trust fund baby or living off a settlement for a car accident. Real men have real jobs. End of story.
- Stay away from the tobacco chewing, pickup driving, shot gun toting, overall wearing, and rebel flag waving REDNECK. ~ by Mickey Finn
- Any man who lives with his parents, grandparents, tread softly. Especially if it's more than a few months to cover some 'rough patch' or another. It's hard to get busy with your man if you are afraid that his parents are going to drop in any second. Kind of like high school all over again.
- Any man who doesn't call you is not that into you. If he's into you, he will call.
Labels: Girl Talk
Posted by Vixen @ 11:17 AM ::
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Monday, June 20, 2005
Baby Mama Drama part 2
If you are a Baaaaad girl who somehow, through a broken condom, messed up birth control, super potent sperm or some freak of nature landed in the family way, I'm not dissing you. In fact, you should be applauded for having the guts to stick to your convictions and carry your child to term. Most women, (yours truly included) would take the easy way out of this dilemma and not have any compunction in doing so.
It's a hard thing to face, but most guys tend to freak when confronted with the "I'm Pregnant and I'm keeping it," speech. They will wheedle and cajole you, try everything to change your mind, short of sticking a hanger up you-know-where. They feel that they aren't up to the challenge of raising a kid, they worry about what their peers and family will think, and pretty much drive you up a wall with varied scenarios.
Eventually, he might come around...might being the operative word in that sentence. If he does, then your job will be made slightly easier; if he doesn't, then you are assuredly on your own.
Seek help from everywhere and anywhere you can. Mother Nature has given us 9 months to make preparations for the little 'bundle of joy' so use your nine months wisely. You'll probably be very tired, but you have to be proactive in planning your baby's future. Realize that your life is never going to be the same ever again and welcome the new stage with open arms.
Tell your family and friends, welcome their support and aid. Every little ounce of care that you can get will be essential to you as a new mother. Utilize your city's unwed mother programs and medicare. Surf the internet like you never have before and read up on anything and everything related to your pregnancy and motherhood. Leave no stone unturned.
After your child arrives, make sure that you have the correct documentation for child support payments. Take him to court if you need to and make sure your child has the best care possible. Hey, if a mega-mogul like P.Diddy can be ordered to shell out major bucks for his offspring, then your baby daddy can too.
And please, don't become the Baby Mama from hell. Even if he rejects you and traipses after another, you still have the future president of the United States/world peace bringer/cure-finder of AIDS to raise. You have to show your child a good example at all times and those traits aren't emulative.
So to the question what happens when a Baaaaad Girl gets pregnant and keeps it? She becomes the Baaaadest MILF on the block and raises her child with morals, respect, honor and integrity. And don't worry about not finding Mr. Right4Me...he will still find you, and still adore and cherish both you and your child.
Labels: Baby Mama Drama
Posted by Vixen @ 6:05 PM ::
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Friday, June 17, 2005
Bad Girls in Training
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Dazed & Confused
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Life & Times of a Diva
Quirky Like That
Just a Sec, Hon
Bubble Bath Escape
The Unspoken Facet
Finding My Way
Charming but Single
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Posted by Vixen @ 8:00 PM ::
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Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Baby Mama Drama
Definition: A Baby's Mama is a woman who has a kid(s) for the guy she had intimate relations with. For one reason or another, there is no other committment on the guy's part and she has been demoted from "possible girlfriend material" to "Baby Mama". This demotion doesn't sit well with her and she tries to keep other women away from her man by using scare tactics on them in the hope that once they are gone, he will want her back.
To those who know me well, you know that I'm not a baby lover. There is no way in God's green earth that I would end up experiencing a la Britney, 'the closest thing to God'. At least not in the near future. But that is besides the point.
Now, this guide would not be complete if I didn't warn you ladies about the dangers of dealing with a Baby Mama. There is the rare occasion where a Baby Mama is actually nice and quite amicable to deal with, but you have a better shot of being struck by lightening than coming across this instance.
If the guy you are dating tells you that he has a Baby Mama and they are on good terms, he's probably wildly exaggerating or flat out lying. Baby Mamas are scorned by the men that they were at one time in love with, or had feelings for. And you know that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. As long as she has a living child for him, she has ties with him forever and ever that can never be severed. She has her claws in your man; emotionally, financially and physically and Mama Bear isn't letting go.
He had the audacity to sleep with her, get her with child, then abandon her for the next pretty, sexy thing (you) that came along. It's not your fault but Mama Bear doesn't care, she just wants to hurt him as much as he hurts her. She also knows that she can hurt you to get to him. She will do anything, key your car, break your windows, call at odd times of the night and hang up, ANYTHING that can satisfy her vindictive streak.
You are just an innocent victim, got caught in the crossfire between your man and his Baby Mama.
My advice...DUCK! I know it may sound chicken but it may save your life. You have to take a step back and re-evalute the relationship. Is he worth it? Is the guy really worth all the damage, tears, strife and pain? If you decide he is worth it, then you have to deal with the fact that she is going to be in your life for a while, maybe even longer than he is. Then go watch Stepmom. Rewind and repeat.
Once your tears are dry, keep in mind that in dealing with any ex, it's a good policy to try and maintain a cool head and act as mature and logically as possible. You have to take the high road, cause she probably won't. You have to be respectful when you are in her home and on her turf. You also have to be nice to the kid(s)....sorry, that's an iron-clad rule. (See why I don't mess with guys with kids?) You have to be prepared for the fact that you probably won't be #1 or 2 and sometimes not even 3, his offspring usurps you from that spot. No calling her names, or saying anything that might cause his children to be upset or tattle to their mama. Try not to interfere with the raising of their kid, I know this might be hard, but you will cause more friction by trying to help raise their kid. Oh, and no making out or having sex with your man while the kid is around...that just causes more drama. Make sure he sends in his child support correct to the last cent and on time. He has to be on his ps and qs, cos anything wrong that he does, will more than likely get taken out on you.
One of my girls Sherry, had drama when she started dealing with this new guy. He was a great father, and she thought he was worth the hassle, so she actually had a little talk with Mama Bear. Sherry told her in no uncertain terms that she was not trying to replace Baby Mama in the guy's life or come between the guy and his kid. She also emphatically stated that she wanted no trouble from her and was prepared to seek higher authority, aka the Law if things got out of hand. Needless to say, there was less bloodshed coming Sherry's way and they ended up in a platonic peace of sorts.
Now I'm not saying that having a sit down with Baby Mama might yield the same results but it's worth a shot. Have some back-up and do it in a public place (that way she can't kill you and get away with it). It's also nice to try and steer clear of her as much as possible, stay in the car when he comes to drop or pick them up, and use the tactics mentioned in Bugaboo.
Don't make yourself out to be a glutton for punishment. If the drama is getting to you, just bail. No man is worth your peace of mind and ultimate happiness and well-being. Like the saying goes, there are other fish in the sea...some without schools of little fish around them.
A Baaaad Girl handles adversity with class, dignity, a cool head and charms her way into Baby Mama's good graces.
Labels: Baby Mama Drama
Posted by Vixen @ 4:44 PM ::
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Thursday, June 09, 2005
"To know that one has a secret is to know half the secret itself." Henry Ward Beecher
So I'm checking my email today and voila, a flyer for Victoria's Secret catches my eye. For those VS shoppers out there, they are having their semi-annual clearance sale. Ok, so I ended up heading to the site and putting innumerable items in my shopping bag. I'm still deliberating whether to actually purchase it...got 48hrs to think about it!
I came to the States in 1999, I discovered VS in 2000 but scoffed at the idea of paying sooooo much money for such a frilly garment. Three times more expensive than anything I owned at that point. Being the thrifty spender that I am, I couldn't get my mind over the atrocity. What is Victoria's Secret anyway? My birthday in 2003 was when a certain someone decided that a VS gift certificate would be a good idea. Even then the voucher sat in my wallet unused for several months.
Sometime around Christmas after spending weeks buying stuff for everyone else, I decided to buy something for myself and went into the gilded entryway at my local VS joint. I had entered a boudoir! Was my first thought as I scanned the large room. Of course I had to act like I belonged so I grabbed the first frilly underthing that caught my attention. The silky garment was pure fluff but the stuff of dreams, cool to the touch yet at the same time very sensual. Next the perfumes caught my eye, with names like Very Sexy, Angel...etc, how could I resist?
I used to work at Bath and Body Works in college, and I thought that I would be immune by now to anything that appealed to the sense of smell. Twas not so! I tried every single sample they had out, and found myself in the beauty shop sampling lotions and scents with names like Secret Crush and Love Spell. By the time the saleslady approached me for a bra fitting, I was feeling so enamored of the shop that I couldn't even say no to a stranger measuring my bodice. I found my perfect bra size...No, I'm NOT advertising that, and ended up spending WAAAAAaaay too much money at this store designed to wrap every fantasy in sensual delights.
However, since then I've managed to curb my appetites to the occasional splurge. Splurge meaning every 3-4 months...hehehe. I still have a whole stash of aromatherapy stuff from my last buy. If my mother knew what I was spending my money on, she would totally flip. Although, maybe if I took her to VS, she might understand.
So what is Victoria's secret? Everyone has pondered this at one time or another. My answer...
"Victoria's Secret is that EVERY woman is sexy and desirable." That's it, plain and simple. I'm sexy, my mom is sexy, even my grandmother who is 80 years old is sexy. We all have the power of Eve in us... the feminity to send a tantalizing thought through every single guy in our domain. The reason it's a secret is because most women don't know they have the sensuality of a goddess; they think that only the skinny models can conjure up fantasies.
Not so. As long as you have the double X chromosome, you are in honey. You are the hottest female walking around, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Once you know that, it will only take a moment for everyone else to figure that out too.
And a Baaaaad girl is born.
Labels: Girl Talk
Posted by Vixen @ 3:44 PM ::
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Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Definition: Treating your partner the way you would like to be treated. Also known as the Golden Rule.
Alot of the women that I have come across really go weak at the knees when their current flame exhibits any romantic inkling or deed. We love it when he brings flowers, sends chocolates, drops us a sweet line in the middle of a busy workday. There are millions of ways that our guys show us that they care, and we adore every single one.
The rule of reciprocity is that your man goes Gaga over the little things you do as well. Guys don't want us to know this...but they enjoy every tiny little effort that we bestow upon them. Think of every single thing that a guy has ever done for you--now come up with some of your own to lavish on your mate.
Be it dinner, tickets to an event they are dying to see, a burned CD of their favorite songs, a book, massage, poetry...anything you do for them will be deeply appreciated. In pleasing them, they in turn try to please you, and the mutual care will slowly blossom into the most giving relationship you have ever had.
Do unto him whatever you would want him to do to you. If you want him to hold your hand, seize his, if you want him to call you, call him. Initiate instead of responding and you will see the eventually your guy will be taking his cues from you.
Cater to your man, cause only you truly can.
Posted by Vixen @ 4:42 PM ::
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