Bad Girl's Guide

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Book Review: How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk

Written by John Van Epp, this book totally revamped the way I thought about relationships. I've been harping alot on realizing your previous relationship patterns, the baggage we carry around from relationship to relationship and working on fixing the common denominator in your past hurtful relationships---you.

This book crystallized that idea process for me. Van Epp uses real life stories from his practice, modules and tools to show you how to focus on building a lasting relationship that doesn't waver at the first sign of stress.

Here's an excerpt...
Unhealthy emotional needs lead people to develop one of three relationship patterns that attempt to interpersonally resolve what can only be fixed intrapersonally. In other words, when you do not deal directly with your issues, they often become embedded in your relationships. At that point, you may no longer recognize them as your own issues, because they have become clouded by the dynamics of the relationship. You plunge forward to fix the relationship, all the while needing really to fix yourself. Regrettably, it does not work and your relationship continues to suffer. This will repeat until you identify your own problems and make the necessary changes within yourself.
This is why is ultimately essential to take a break from dating until you figure out what it is that is affecting all your relationships. It takes alot of self-evaluation, and a stringent examination of your own flaws, your past history and even your childhood to determine what the underlying issues are. It's only then that you can work on fixing it.

The further I read, the more I realised that there was so much that I didn't even know about the self-actualization process. And for some reason, in alot of aspects, I had my blinders on to even my own glaring flaws.
Are you too trusting, always seeing the good and jumping to positive conclusions too quickly? Do you get into a relationship and immediately become swept away by the furious waves of attention and love? Do you find yourself enamored with this prince or princess, spending every free moment with that person, constantly conversing by phone or computer, or just talking to him or her in your head? If so, then you need to step back and look at your track record. If you have a history of these dreamy love attacks that end up spiraling into nightmares, then you may be avoiding some of your past pain by projecting your ideals onto a prince or princess who is nothing more than an ordinary frog.
In addition to staring at your soul through those really harsh glasses of truth, this book will also give you tools to evaluate the complexities of your partner and potential for long term value of the relationship without just relying solely on the temperamental whims of love, emotion and lust. It will enable you to put your head about your heart in this careful decision making process of choosing a partner and eventually separate quite easily the good guys among all the rubble.

Has anyone read it? If so, what do you think?

Check it out on Amazon HERE.


Posted by Vixen @ 10:21 PM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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