Bad Girl's Guide

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Love Keeps Me Focused

Question: I find myself in this situation very often. When I’m not in a relationship I tend to lose motivation to do things. Such as, schoolwork or any sort of activity that will help me in the long run. I have a passion for writing. (even though my grammar says otherwise) yet, after my ex, I can't see myself focused on school, nor on my writing projects. I hate to be that girl who needs a relationship to feel complete. I find myself losing interest in school and myself. I have always had a problem with focusing on the important things. My last boyfriend was always there to encourage me and push me to do what I had to do. Yet he's not here anymore, and I know I shouldn’t depend on a cheerleader to keep me focused. What should I do? I try hard in staying focused on my grind. At times I find myself thinking about my Ex and wishing I had someone with me. I’m so pathetic I know. I once knew this girl who was always on top of things. She didn’t focus on parties or men and when I look at her now, it makes me wish I was more like her. More confident, more determined, thick skinned, bolder, and more emotionally independent. Any suggestions?

First of all I think you are focusing on several different issues here.
  1. You are more of an artistic, creative person, who doesn't have organization and focus unless when your energies are channeled by a relationship.
  2. You equate success with being in a relationship or having a man in your life.
  3. You miss your ex and wish you were in a relationship.
  4. You want to be different and want to change.

For starters, not everyone is of the focused sort. Have you taken any personality tests yet? You should, it will give you insight on your personality and where alot of your motivations lie. You will also realise more of your personality flaws and then be able to fix it. Getting organized and focused is a multi-layered process that only the type A people have been able to nail down to a science.

The one thing that works for me in getting organized is lists. I create lists of things that I plan to do, things I need to accomplish on a daily, weekly, montly and life plan basis. Then I tackle each thing on the list one by one, scratching each off when I have done it. (Something about scratching things off the list is sooooo gratifying to me!) You can use handwritten lists, get an organizer, a palm pilot or use your Microsoft Outlook program. You can put school assignments, projects and other goals all on your list. Make a vow that you won't go to bed without completing at least 85% of your list. And whatever is left over, just tackle it the next day. Eventually you will start to realise that you are achieving much more on a daily basis (and you don't even have a guy pushing you to do stuff!)

You cannot have men be the focusing feature on your life. Not only is this crippling to your personal growth, it turns you into a statistic, one of those women that can't live a successful life without a man by her side. You don't need a man---you just want one, there is a difference. You have to prove to yourself that you can live a fulfilling and successful life by yourself and achieve your goals. They are YOUR goals, not his, and so should be YOUR effort and focus to attain them. That way, when you do reach them, they will be all the sweeter, the sweat of your brow, your hard work and elbow grease that got you here.

Now missing your ex---we've all been there hon, but rest assured that this too will pass. Eventually all the intense feelings you have of him now will fade. It's just a question of time and space. Remember, keeping him in your life is not going to help you get over him, so stick to the plan and ex your ex. Totally.

That girl that you admire, who seems to have it altogether? Why don't you speak to her, make friends with her and find out what makes her tick. Remember, your friends are a reflection of who you are, and sometimes your friends might not be pushing/pulling you in the right direction. If your friends are not being supportive of you and trying to build you up, then they are pulling you down, one way or another.

One more thing---SCHOOL IS IMPORTANT. VERY, VERY IMPORTANT! Men will always be around as long as you are a woman with a pussy, but now is the time to focus on your education. The grades you get now, the knowledge you gain now will all matter down the road. This should be your first priority at all times. Anything that comes between you and your future is not acceptable in any shape, form or fashion.

Your thoughts?


Posted by Vixen @ 12:12 AM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

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