Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Vixen's Guide to Moving On: pt 2

I read an article a while back that stated that it takes about half of the time you were with the person to really get them out of your system. So say if you dated Whatshisface for 6 months, in three months you should be back to your darling self with him just a distant memory. I’ve actually practiced this religiously in my last few breakups and have realized that when I reach that date, I’m already soooo over him and moved on to someone else.

Moving on post breakup is hard to do and yet very essential to your personal growth and future happiness. If you don't move on, you will end up enshrining your ex in your heart and leaving no room for the guy who is really right for you. You will become the pathetic girl still pining over lost love years & decades down the rode. And everyone knows that a Bad Girl is far from pathetic.

Now we all know the difference between Fake Closure and True Closure. We know that true closure cannot be forced or made to prematurely happen; it takes time and then one day, it happens. However, in moving on you have to have fake closure. And fake closure can be forced and that is what you are going to have to do.

Loneliness can be a good thing, it’s the loneliness that compels you to get out of the rut and move on with your life. Also, some time alone can help you reorganize your priorities, recharge your batteries and renew your mind and spirit. You can figure out your likes and dislikes, what makes you happy and focus more on yourself.

Personally, I use a strict schedule to get over a guy. At times, it can be hard moving on to the next stage but I just fake it until I feel it. Feel free to adapt this as you see fit.

Phase One ~ The Mourning/Grieving Period (1-2 weeks): This is when you get to whine, mope and have a pity party for yourself. This is when you need the support of your girlfriends the most, when you can have the chick flick movie nights, ice-cream to your heart's content, listening to icky love songs, ritualistic roasting of pictures and his crap, create a stick-pin doll and plan grandiose revenge schemes that you know you aren't going to do yet are therapeutic to plan anyway. This is when your friends rally round, call you and tell you that he's a dog and he's not worthy of you. This is when you can cry, vent, yell and scream and everyone understands and rallies around you.

During this period you are NOT allowed to call him because this will only set you back from moving on. However, if you need to talk to him, pick up the phone when he does call (he will call, they always do). Remember you need lots of female interaction this week to help you get through. Recommended reads include It's Called a Breakup Because it's Broken and I Used to Miss Him but my Aim is Improving. This period should not last more than 2 weeks, pity parties do start sucking after a while.

Phase Two ~ Prep Time (2-3 weeks): This is when you hit the gym, working out to girl power tunes like Since You've Been Gone, I'm A Bitch by Sheryl Crow, Here We Go by Trina Bossy by Kelis, and Can't Hold Us Down by Christina Aguilera. You burn those frustrations out on the elliptical and lift weights like you are training for the Olympics. You are getting in shape, not because you are trying to prove anything to anyone, but because according to Elle Woods, "Exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy, and happy people don't kill people." In addition it has the added bonus of making you look and feel like a million bucks.

Improving your muscle tone and fitness gives you control over one aspect of your life and eventually this control will extend to other areas. This is also when you empty out your apartment of anything that reminds you of him. You box up all his shit and have it sent to him (preferably mailed cash on delivery, hehehe), throw stuff away, put all the gifts he gave you under your bed or to a trusted friend. All the momentos must be boxed up, even things you use on a regular basis. You don't want anything that reminds you of him to linger in your apartment and life so box up everything and send it to a dusty corner, throw it away or give it away.

Hide the phone, because if not you might be tempted to call him. Under no circumstances do you call him, if you feel that you simply must call him, you will call one of your girlfriends instead. Resume normal life activities as much as possible (this is very important to me). Attend social events that focus on learning, start a new hobby like rock climbing or pottery and focus on bonding with friends.

Phase Three ~ Makeover (1 week): It's time for your therapeutic shopping spree. Break into your nest egg and shop till you drop. You are a goddess and you deserve it. This is personally my fav time post breakup---a reason to shop, hell yeah! So hit the mall and feel free to splurge on sexy tops, jeans, outfits and accessories that will help you in the next phase. Go shopping with a friend or two and spend the next day getting manicures, facials and pedicures. Get your hair done, a total makeover, whatever you feel like.

If you can't afford an all out spending spree, my recommendation is to head to the nearest beauty school/massage school. They will use you as a mannequin, and for free (or really cheap) you can get the spa treatments that you crave. Also feel free to go discount clothes shopping at Marshall's or TJ Maxx or head to your consignment shop, friends/sister's closet of choice. It doesn't matter where you get your new gear from, but remember that new clothes are all helping with that new attitude.

Phase Four ~ Unleash the Inner Diva (2 weeks): It's time for your official Coming Out Party!! Throw a bonafide party where you invite mostly eligible men or have a night out that you chat up and kiss every single man that your heart fancies. Your friends will tell everyone at the bar that you just got dumped and watch men come out of the woodwork to console your fabulous self. Feel free to renew old male acquaintances, dust off your little black book, wear those cute clothes you bought, party hard and party well. This is when you can assert your feminine wiles on the male populance. Start going out on dates and get back into the dating pool. Smile, flirt, date and be merry. Sure the emotions and feelings for your ex are still there but you are too busy to notice. The loneliness will only assail you at night when you don't have him in your bed. Might a suggest an old alliance, fuck buddy or booty call? Oh--and just for the record you are BARRED from sleeping with your ex.

Behaviors That You Are Not Allowed to Exhibit Post Breakup:

1. No stalking: Of any kind. No stalking his house, job, favorite bar or any of his haunts that aren't your haunts.
2. No looking like a homeless person: Whenever you do leave your house you will look your best at all times. You never know who might be watching you know.
   
3. No phone calls: Unless he initiates them. In which case you will answer in a rushed tone, keep it short or have him leave a message. Having contact with him will only pull you back instead of ahead.
   
4. No sex with your ex: With anyone else---sure, as long as they know that it's not anything serious but a casual fling on your part. You aren't ready for anything serious right now, so don't lie to him and yourself by acting like you are.
   

So go ahead, watch those sappy movies, and listen to those sad, sad songs. Eat gallons of ice cream and cry all you want. Do whatever you have to do to get over the jerk, just bear in mind that he isn’t worth your emotional health. Make sure you do pick up the pieces and move on.

Remember, there can be a lot of men that you can settle for but there is only one that’s truly right for you.

Labels: Break Ups

Posted by Vixen @ 7:59 PM :: 4 trainees letting it rip!

Talk to Me!

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