Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Vixen's Guide to: Getting a Blowjob from a Girl
For some reason, men love receiving blowjobs. There is something about the act that turns them on. Just thinking about getting one from the fantasy woman of choice has many of them reeling. To my surprise, I've had several guys choose getting a BJ from yours truly rather than even sex.
The problem isn't with us giving men blowjobs...the problem that I've noticed is how the men receive said blowjobs. And this is what the guide is all about. If you aren't a good receiver, chances are I won't want to mess with you.
For starters, if I even consider putting my lips on you, you should be glad, and ecstatic that I would seek to pleasure you in this manner. You shouldn't think that I'm obligated to please you, because I'm not, it's a choice and I can readily turn around and say no.
And just because I decide to give you a BJ every now and then doesn't make it a regular course on the menu. Don't expect that every time you see me you will be getting me going down on you, because it's not gonna happen. In fact, any expectations will pour water on the ardor that caused me to want to please you in the first place.
What's up with that comment that you guys make..."No woman has ever made me cum."??? You know that that is a flat out lie and we know that it is too. Unless you are a 17 year old virgin, or lived in a monastery all your life, we know that you are just trying to get us to work at making you cum harder. We aren't stupid, we see right through that line and aren't impressed. Another stupid phrase that you should not utter is, " My ex gave better BJs to me all the time", in fact, do not compare me to the last lady that went down on you at all. I'm the best you ever had...keep that phrase in mind, it might get you more.
Don't try and control the pace at which the event occurs. You are the receiver, just do your work and moan to let me know that I'm doing pleases you. Don't get mad because I'm taking my time exploring all the other sensitive areas around your member, you should be glad that I'm paying attention to the little guys. Don't shove me or push my head to hurry up and get to your penis already, because that would just infuriate me.
Under no circumstances are you to try and force your whole penis into my mouth. (The only exception is if you have a 3-inch or less penis, in which case I probably wouldn't be going down on you anyway). Not all of us can be like Pepa and swallow banana whole. The average penis is 5-6 inches erect...the average woman's mouth is about 3 inches from lips to throat. So be smart and do the math. And no, I do not want your member hitting the back of my throat. As much as it may turn you on, deep-throating is really not that common unless you are a porn star or have no gag reflex. Gagging is more often the natural body's reaction to that, and trust me, you do not want me puking all over you.
Don't take forever and a day to cum. If I start getting a crick in my neck or the clock reads 20 minutes later, you are taking too damn long. This is not a part time job you know! Do whatever you have to do to get off, think of Angelina Jolie, fantasize, touch me, picture yourself inside me...whatever, just hurry up already! Trust me, you don't want me to stop....if I do stop because you are taking too friggin long, you might just have to palm the rest of the way.
Unless previously stated, do not expect that you get to pour your juices all over my face, on my body or on my pristine 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. And don't expect every woman to swallow your load, for some, it's just plain nasty and we don't like how it tastes. If we do swallow it, you should be pretty happy and grateful.
After you cum, do not expect me to clean you up. You're a big boy, take care of that your damn self. However, if I feel that you are worth it, I just might. And don't roll over and fall asleep, leaving me to sleep on the wet spot. That's not nice! The proper ettiquette is: give me a kiss, articulate your thanks and cuddle with me for a little bit. That is standard protocol (unless you are a quickie, one-night stand or some guy I picked up in a bar/party, in which case I expect you to leave immediately).
The rule of reciprocity does apply here. Do not keep asking for BJs if you can't or won't return the favor. And when you do, you better know what the hell you are doing or be a quick learner or you will see a direct correlation to quality and quantity of your BJs.
Labels: All About Sex, Foreplay
Posted by Vixen @ 1:23 AM ::
13 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!
Saturday, December 24, 2005
May the New Year ring in blessings and joy
With a string of adoring beaux, hot lovers and passionate nights
May your body remain the figure you have come to love
And your girlfriends your circle of life who always have your back
May your collection of shoes and clothes never diminish
And may shopping still be therapeutic
May your Sixth Sense and Gay-dar never malfunction
And may you always feel sexy in your boudoir knickers
May you avoid the Mr. Unavailables and the heartbreak they bring
And may you find and hold unto the truest love of all.
~Best wishes in this new year.
Posted by Vixen @ 11:26 PM ::
6 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Definition: Cockblocking (also known as Playa Hating) is an action that your girlfriend uses to draw you away from a guy that she doesn't want you messing with. She will intrude on the conversation, use a predetermined signal, grab your arm, embarass him in some way or just pull you away. Usually this occurs in clubs and bars but can also be extended to other locations and relationships.
Usually when we girls go out to party, there is that unspoken rule that we come as a group and leave together. It's a safety issue as well as a feminine bonding thing. Very rarely this might be broken, but generally this is the status quo.
Cockblocking isn't always a bad action, it has saved many a woman from landing into trouble, one-night stands with sleazy dogs, getting raped, assaulted or kidnapped. Your girl has your back, she isn't as drunk as you, and is seeing the guy for what he really is. She is protecting you and keeping your best interests at heart. In this case, cockblocking is definitely a good thing.
However, constant cockblocking by a particular friend might spell deeper issues. Does this occur every single time you two go out, irrespective of what gentleman you are talking to? Does she insist that you dance only with her, and if you dance with anyone else she gets upset? Does she keep telling you not to give your number to any guy whenever you go out?
Your friend might be jealous of you, your ability to attract men and the inner confidence that you display. She might secretly envy you and your allure because of her own low self esteem. She might have wanted the guy chatting you up for herself and when he picked her instead of you, it simmered her rage. There could be a list of reasons why she is cockblocking, but the action is the same.
Cockblocking can also be applied to relationships. There is a low probability that all your friends will like the man you are seeing. However, if your friend tells you that she doesn't like your boyfriend, yet gives you no concrete reason for this, she might just be jealous. If she constantly belittles your relationship and has no respect for it/him, she might be cockblocking. If she drops innuendos and comments like, "I don't know what you see in him. He's not good enough for you," she might be cockblocking.
How does a Bad Girl deal with cockblocking?
- Examine her actions from all perspectives. Sometimes it's hard to differentiate between cockblocking out of love or out of envy, but beneath murky reasons the truth will come out. If she is drunk while cockblocking, that in itself might be a reason.
- Make your safety your own prerequisite. If you have poor judgement in men, she might just be trying to help. Perhaps it's just the mother hen syndrome that's affecting her. Show her that you can take care of yourself, don't get drunk when you go out and give her confidence in your decision making skills. Listen to your own sixth sense and let your intuition guide you.
- Talk to your friend. Try and find out what the underlying cause is. If she had some past with your man, or heard rumors about him, that might taint the way she views him. Let her know that her actions bother you.
- Tell her to
back the fuck off cut it out. If it is bothering you and she's constantly doing this, tell her to back off and respect your decisions. Sometimes a firm tone is needed for her to get the message.
- Ignore her. If all else fails, you might have to stop talking about it. Don't bring up the topic of the guy that sends her into spasmic cockblock mode. Give her vague, superficial responses about your relationship when she does ask and try to keep the guy in question away from her.
Above all, remember that you are a fabulous Baaaad Girl and don't let her antics affect you deeply.
Labels: Girl Talk
Posted by Vixen @ 12:00 PM ::
10 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!
Monday, December 12, 2005
Vixen's Guide to Juggling a Few Men at the Same Time
With juggling, one or 2 doesn't really count...it's when the numbers increase to 3 or higher that it gets dicey. It can be complicated juggling a few men at a time, but it is possible. As a woman who averages 2-4 dates a week, I'm writing this for myself to keep the basics in mind. You aren't doing anything wrong by juggling, you are just spreading your wonderful presence in the dating pool, making yourself available to what you truly seek and getting lots of free food in the process. Juggling also helps you not come on too strongly on one person and scare Mr. Right away.
In your mind, visualize your stove top. It has 4 burners, two in the front and two in the back. This is the basic concept of juggling, you rotate positions of the men, when they are in front, they get prime attention, and if for some reason they don't engage you, they get put on the back burner. New guys get put on the back burner as well, until they work their way up to the front burner.
Organization: First of all, you need to have a way of keeping the guys straight. Use a notebook, a little black book, your calendar, Outlook Express or your PDA. Yes, your brain can be an effective tool as well, but having somewhere else that has everything stored would even be better. You don't want to be sitting at home in your knickers when Tom knocks on the door to pick you up do you? My personal favorite is Outlook Express calendar, because you can input all the information about the guys as well as notes on how your dates went. I have a friend that keeps notecards of each guy. When she meets them, she creates a card with their name, age and important things to know. This helps her keep track of who is whom. She reads them before each date and updates them after. It's good to have a notebook to write down thoughts on the guy while it's still fresh on your mind after each date. That way you also have a hard copy of reasons why you don't like him.
Honesty: This is essential to any juggling scenario. Let the guys know that they are not the only one you are talking to or seeing. I know that you might be scared to do this, thinking that it will scare them off, however, it has been my experience that you being upfront about it only increases your attractiveness. For some reason, guys love competition and they will try harder to be the one to win your affection. However, do not tell them how many guys that you are juggling (it's none of their business) and research hasn't proven what number is acceptable to tell them anyway.
Grooming: Even though you have a full wardrobe of clothes, it's good to invest in a few 'date shirts' before you start juggling. That way, if you have a date for every night of the week, you have clothes to wear. I tend to wear the same outfits for the first three dates with each guy, (which is how long he notices what you wear anyway). Having lots of date shirts keeps you off worrying what to wear. Just iron the cleanest flirty shirt, throw on a pair of tight jeans and heels and you are good to go.
Disclosure: The rules of disclosure are simple. Listen more and talk less. You are trying to find out if he's worthy enough to stay in your rotation, so ask him questions, keep him talking. Do not mention any of the other guys while on the date. Don't relate charming anecdotes about them, talk about your previous date last week at the same restaurant or anything that will remind him that you are seeing other guys. Keep your cellphone off or on vibrate. For the time he is with you, you have to give him all of your attention. Guys dig girls that give them loads of attention. You will be your most charming, scintillating and enchanting self.
Phone Calls: It's hard to talk to 4 or more guys on the phone at the same time. However, since men don't like being on the phone that much in the first place, this is a rule that you can get around pretty easily. Use the phone like they do, as a source of communication for planning dates and follow up calls. If he does happen to catch you on the phone, let him know that you are in the middle of something, it's not a good time to chat, you have an engagement that you are heading out the door for, or you have an early meeting the next day.
Try not to talk too much on the phone because you might not be able to remember who said what. If you can't gracefully get off the phone immediately, keep your conversation brief and mention the basic life story that you tell everyone else...sticking to the same disclosure patterns help you to stay focused and not wonder whether it was Jim that you told your bungee jumping story to or Ted.
Scheduling: For guys on the front burner, they have garnered your interest and you do want to see them as soon as possible. However, it's essential to have your dates planned in advance. I always require a 48 hour notice before a date can even make it on my calendar and a pre-date phone call just to flesh out details. Back burner guys tend to have a longer wait period. That means that if he calls you on Wednesday for a Thursday date it's not going to happen no matter how cute he is. When declining be sure to say, "I would have liked to go with you but I made plans already."
Do not change your plans under any circumstances even if they happen to be an evening at home by yourself chilling in your boudoir knickers, another date or a girls night out. Don't tell him what you are up to, just let him know emphatically that you already have plans. DO NOT CHANGE YOUR PLANS. Be firm but nice, letting them know that your time books up quickly and they have to make plans ahead in advance. If they are smart, they will realize this and start asking you for dates ahead of time.
They will be left wondering who you are with and what you are doing.This also gives them more time to look forward to the meeting and increases your attractiveness. You are a girl in high demand. It further piques their interest because they figure that there has got to be something special about you (after all, all these guys are clamoring for your attention!)
Sex & Intimacies: While juggling, please bear in mind that under no circumstances are you supposed to sleep with any of the men. You are just dating, not training to be on the next season of the Bachelorette. However, I encourage kissing on the first date, that way, if he can't kiss you guys don't have chemistry, you will know early enough and not have to waste a spot on your burner on the guy that lies in your mouth like a dead fish.
If you do have chemistry with one (or 2!) of the guys, keep the intimacies light - first and 2nd-base stuff. Kissing, making out, holding hands, these are all acceptable while you are juggling. Be sure to communicate that you aren't going to have sex with him and don't lead him on physically. I tend not to have sex outside of an exclusive relationship, and articulate this early enough for clarification's sake. Front burner guys are usually the ones I'm most interested in and the others get less physicalities. Just be sure to protect yourself at all times.
Breaking Up: Keeping guys in rotation is an involved process and time shouldn't be wasted on guys that you don't even like. If you decide that he's not worthy of your attention, let him know that you are just not available anymore. You don't have to go into any reasons, just be sure to firmly state that you are no longer available to date. Don't give him a wishy washy yellow light, some of these guys are obtuse and need a strong shove to get out of your hair. After you have given him the Unavailable speech, refuse all his calls and don't return his messages thereafter. Eventually he will get it and leave you be.
Retiring: Ok, so you've juggled men for a few months and you have finally found one that you can imagine settling in with for a while. Before you drop the other guys out of your rotation, Mr. Right must articulate to you that he wants you two to be exclusive. When he does ask you, tell him that you will think about it and get back to him.
During this 'Thinking' period, you gently cut the other guys out of rotation, just by telling them that you would like to "explore the depths of a relationship with this other guy you have been seeing." Chances are, they will retreat gracefully and kick themselves for not being more aggressive in the pursuit of you. This also immortalizes you in their mind as a cool chick. Eventually, if things with Mr. Right don't work out, you can always contact your old rotation guys and let them know that you are available again.
Now tell Mr. Right that you would like to try to have a deeper relationship with him. You have to use the word try because you don't want him to all of a sudden kick back and relax thinking that he has you on lockdown. Don't let him know how long the trial period will last, just subtly slip it into the conversation. This way, he tries even harder to please you and make you happy.
Those are the basics ladies. Besides that make safety a prerequisite. Meet them in a neutral, public setting and use your common sense. Let a friend know where you are going and with whom...blah blah blah!
Remember to have fun on each of your dates. Fun begins from within and even if the date isn't that fun, at least you will have a funny story to relate afterwards.
Posted by Vixen @ 12:31 AM ::
10 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Too Hot to Trot ~ A Guide to Dating the 'Beautiful People'
Definition: This scenario occurs when you happen to be dating a scrumptiously delectable, fabulously gorgeous, super hot or good looking man/woman.
As a Baaaad Girl, there is no man above your reach. You are absolutely fabulous and every male around recognizes the fact. However, once in a blue moon, you might come across a dreamy looking man that even your high standards label as being out of your league. Think of your favorite male celebrity...now picture someone even hotter than that! Someone so gorgeous that just looking at him begins a cauldron of passion in your core. That hot.
Circumstances being what they will, he notices you and makes a play for you. With an astounding amount of inner confidence, you manage to capture his interest (being that you are the most fabulous female in the room, it shouldn't be that difficult). Eventually you two start dating. This is when this guide becomes essential.
First of all, if you are prone to jealousy, you have to bear in mind that you might not be able to deal with dating an Adonis. Not saying that you aren't worthy, it's just that the constant attention and flirting that he gets on a regular basis is bound to even incite the most stoic of women into green-eyed jealousy.
A common saying that I've heard is that you only become jealous when you are insecure in your relationship with that person. If your status is assured, then you should have no reason to be jealous.
This is not true. Jealousy knows no master and can be stirred by the lowliest of flirtations.
Guys seem to back off and 'show some respect' when they see that another man is with a woman that they would like to talk to, however us girls seem to have no problem trying to steal him from his counterpart (must be something in the Venutian water). In fact, we try even more shamelessly to snag his attention, using every trick in the book to get him to look our way.
There are 3 different types of Adonis's.
- There is the guy who revels in the attention and flattery, who truly believes that he is a demi-god and ogling ladies are his subjects. He will flaunt the flirtations to your face, talk about them, show them all to you, even have outright dalliances with some women, seeming to enjoy your jealousy in a masochistic way. I've heard of several Adonis' dating average looking women just for the drama. He may or may not be outright and obvious about it, but on some elemental level the insecurities you display feed his ego. It's a sick form of emotional abuse and you need to recognize it early enough before your self-esteem is totally destroyed.
- There is the guy who has become totally oblivious to the flirtations. He doesn't even notice them anymore. It has been this way all his life, so by now he is probably totally unaware. Having women fall all over him is second nature to him and sometimes he unconsciously slips into receiving favors based on his good looks. He might not even recognize that he's doing it or that it is causing problems with you. When you do communicate it, he will try to make amends or distract you from the issue. The problem with this Adonis is that he doesn't firmly dissuade the flirtations and attention. He has used his looks to get by all his life and it's like asking a leopard to change his stripes.
- There is the guy that is acutely embarrassed by the way women hit on him. He tries to downplay his attractiveness by dressing down and staying out of the limelight. Even when this ruse is unsuccessful he lets everyone in the room know that he only has eyes for you. He constantly flatters and remarks on how wonderful you are compared to all the other women out there in an attempt to recompense you for putting up with the drama.
Ok, now that we have identified that the only Adonis we should be dating long term is Number 3, how do you deal with it?
Communication: The benchmark of any decent relationship. When you tell him that it bothers you don't be all whiny about it. Use phrases like, "It bothers me when, I feel hurt when..." and stay away from casting the blame or pointing fingers. After all, it's not his fault that he is an Adonis. The only thing that he can control is how he reacts to all the attention.
Leash the Emotions: You have to trust your man. Have faith that he won't cheat on you (unless your sixth sense is screaming!). Confront and destroy your fears around him leaving you. Just because he's dating you doesn't make you fabulous...you are fabulous because you are you. In other words, don't equate your level of worth to the fact that you are shaggin' Brad Pitt.
Attention: You have got to lavish attention on your man to keep him interested. Process this thought...on a daily basis he gets loads of attention from women all day long! So therefore, you have to put in the face time, sex time, talk time. To satisfy his grande ego, you really have to put in mucho effort. Be sure to praise him, flatter him, tease him, play with him, whatever you gotta do to keep him satisfied and his ginormous ego in check.
Self Esteem: You have got to have loads of it. Even if you feel insecure about yourself, don't let it show. Put on your most confidant mask and fake it until you feel it. He is WITH you for a reason....with YOU and not with them. Don't let the ghosts of imagined hussies get in your way. There is something totally captivating and enrapturing about you that he picked you out of the 6 billion people that grace this earth. Find that something, know what it is, and keep it. Use it to build your confidence and don't let petty stuff get in the way.
Girl Time: Ok, even though you have loads of confidence, sometimes, it does get to you. This is when your circle of life is essential. See, he doesn't understand what it is to not be one of the 'Beautiful People', so even if he sympathises, he really can't empathise and understand where you are coming from. But your girls can, so use them to offload your gripes and aggravations. That way you won't sound like a head case when he gets home.
It is possible to date an Adonis, you just have to be prepared for the pitfalls. Good luck.
Posted by Vixen @ 1:18 AM ::
8 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!
Sunday, December 04, 2005
You might have been wondering why I seem to be writing less and less as of late. Or maybe not. Either way, I've been devoting alot of my writing skills to Baggage Reclaim. It's an online woman's magazine with sass, primarily dealing in most of the areas we talk about on the BGG. To name a few; dating, relationships, men, sex, breaking up, single living and man taming.
For those of you that have headed over there, thanks. For those of you that haven't...please do. It's hilariously fun. Feel free to leave comments there too, and if you have any suggestions or thoughts for improvement I would love to hear them.
There is a menu on the left hand side to navigate and if you join the forum (painless process), you can log in and view the Penis Parade. Other cool sections include Giving and Gifting (unusual suggestions for holiday gifts), Eye Candy (most f*ckable man) and the Male Opinion (where guys actually submit articles that sass us).
We are looking for more contributors so if anyone is interested in writing we would love to hear from you. Just email me or leave a comment here if you are interested and I'll give you more details.
Posted by Vixen @ 3:57 PM ::
5 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Rumor has it that guys tend to break up with ladies right before the holidays so they don't have to worry about buying gifts and meeting families.
Is it just me, or does there seem to be a slight increase to the number of men coming out of the woodwork lately? I've been getting emails from guys that I haven't talked to in AGES, all checking in to say hello and reconnect. So far the count is 4. All since Thanksgiving. Super wierd.
Perhaps it's the season? They don't want to be alone for the holidays. However don't they realize that once they fall off the wagon, it's
really hard virtually impossible to get back on? Did they think that I was waiting around for them to reconnect?
They really have got to be from Mars.
Labels: Girl Talk
Posted by Vixen @ 3:21 PM ::
14 trainees letting it rip!
Talk to Me!