This is a journal created by a woman for women. However, if you are a man in tune with your feminine side (or trying to get there), feel free to read on. It's mainly the stuff we talk about but that noone ever wrote down. It's all the stuff in all those self help books that we read, all the stuff that should be said but aren't. This is just a venting spiel, about the idiosyncrasies of dating and how to make it better.
From::Portland, Oregon, United States
I'm 29 year old, fabulous and feisty female from Nigeria, who has found love, fun and happiness in life and has a plan of getting dozens of stamps on her passport.
Welcome to my blog. Feel free to read archived posts...they are pretty interesting as well. I would also appreciate any comments you may have in whatever arena. The more the merrier!
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
This means that you cannot reproduce, print, publish or use any portion of this blog without express permission and consent from the author. In other words, don't steal my shit!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Why Do People Play Games?
Is it a necessary to play games to get what you want in life and love, or is it just something that were programmed to do, and what happens when the games end? And what the f*ck exactly is game?
The Game: When you act a certain way while dating or in a relationship but you aren't being true to your real motivations or emotions. Example, you wait 3 days to call the guy back even though you want to talk to him and think about him constantly. You wait 6 dates to have sex because you don't want him to think you're promiscuous even though you are totally attracted to him. You wait for her to say 'I Love You' first even though you've loved her for months. The game is used to manipulate the other person while not revealing your true emotions.
I don't think it's necessary to play games. I just think that it's one of those ridiculous societal rules that everyone does and no one questions.
At the beginning of my present relationship, I must confess I played 'the game'. I friggin' wrote the book on the game! I was so used to dealing with players, posers and gamers that this time, I wanted to run the game and not be the one suckered. The ironic part is that for the first time, I met a guy that was real. I nearly fucked up the whole thing by not being straight and honest with him in the beginning. We were able to move past that, but if he wasn't a strong man, I don't think we would have been able to get to the place we are now.
I think that most men and women truly don't know what they want. Because if you want a 'real relationship', why are you picking up guys that are drunk in the club? If you want a smart woman, why are you messing with chicken-heads? If you want a stable guy, why are you dating someone with no ambition, aspirations or even a JOB? We say we want something but don't follow through with the right action to produce that result.
This is the only relationship I've had that lasted longer than 6 months (we are almost at 4 years now). I guess when you stop playing games, start communicating and both of you genuinely are committed to each other, it totally clicks and just works.
If one of you is still caught up in that mentality of self-sabotage (from previous baggage that hasn't been dealt with), or not opening yourself up to love (because you've been hurt many times before), or still waiting or the One (and seeing this as just a temporary fun' thing), you can never find the relationship that you seek and deserve.
Not everyone is a game player. Some people just want straight up honesty, love and a connection with another person. Please ladies, don't get obsessed or caught up in the Game that you forget the real reason that you are dating in the first place....it's not about who wins or loses...it's not about checks or balances, it's not about the power play or the one the controls the relationship.
It's about love. It's about finding the one person in the world that is your best friend, confidante, lover and soul connection all in one. Please don't forget this.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend a few evenings ago. The observation was that adults get so used to relationships not working out that when they do find a relationship that is good, one might 'self-sabotage' because you can't deal with not breaking up or having drama.
Personally, I used to feel that I had a relationship shelf life, which was around the 6 month mark. I never had a long term relationship, or one that extended past that time frame, and usually around the 6 month mark, there was always something the fractured the relationship.
I even brought this baggage into my present relationship, having the 'short-term' mentality and consciously making bad decisions because "this relationship isn't going to last anyway, so why bother?" The ironic part is that after passing the 6-month mark, I realized that this was the real deal, and I needed to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Norio saw the potential of 'Us' way before I did; and he was patient enough to keep it real, stay open and keep waving the flag of real love until I noticed...lol
The moment of realization led to other more complex ones, and I realized that if I wanted this relationship to be 'Real', I needed to stop self-sabotaging. I had to let go of my exes that I kept 'as friends', i.e. backup plans, I had to stop 'keeping my options open' and I had to let go of the mentality that this relationship was doomed to fail like all the others. It was only after passing this crux that I was able to achieve the intimacy, emotional connection and depth of a relationship that I've always instinctively longed for.
If you are so caught up in the bad habits of your past, are overly cynical and automatically assume that every guy is Mr. Wrong, even when Mr. Right is right in your face, there is the potential for you to intentionally, or unintentionally screw up the relationship if you don't let that baggage go.