This is a journal created by a woman for women. However, if you are a man in tune with your feminine side (or trying to get there), feel free to read on. It's mainly the stuff we talk about but that noone ever wrote down. It's all the stuff in all those self help books that we read, all the stuff that should be said but aren't. This is just a venting spiel, about the idiosyncrasies of dating and how to make it better.
From::Portland, Oregon, United States
I'm 29 year old, fabulous and feisty female from Nigeria, who has found love, fun and happiness in life and has a plan of getting dozens of stamps on her passport.
Welcome to my blog. Feel free to read archived posts...they are pretty interesting as well. I would also appreciate any comments you may have in whatever arena. The more the merrier!
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
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Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Part 3...Vixen's Turn
As you can see, I've been really getting into this interview/questioning process. Having a good person to quiz has helped out immensely. We're back with Ian Coburn, the dynamic author of God is a Woman.
13. Have you ever had a threesome? Would you ever have another one? What's the big deal with men and threesomes?
I’ve had a couple of threesomes. I have no desire to have one again; I’ve learned you can be far more intimate and make things better with one woman. I have no desire to share that intimacy with more than one woman, anymore. I’ve even turned down a couple threesomes; however, if I was really attracted to the women and wasn’t in a relationship, I’d do it again. Two different women can really keep me going and when my stamina is on, they actually like the switching. Like I said, guys love variety. One of the most exciting things to us is seeing your breasts for the first time. We never know what those things are gonna look like until we see ‘em. We love that there are different shapes and sizes and that women make different sounds, like different positions, kiss differently, and so forth. The idea of having different shapes, sounds, kisses… at the same sexual encounter? Well, that’s awesome! I once hooked up with one woman who wouldn’t do it doggy-style; her friend wouldn’t give blowjobs. So, it worked out great. We simply switched off as needed and I got both. Until they experience one and realize the best intimacy occurs when you are with someone who makes you not want to share yourself with anyone else, men will always yearn for a threesome.
14. On the same note...what's up with giving women cum facials? We don't like that...ewwww!
That occurs when you’re dealing with a guy who has bitter or anger issues toward women. It’s a dominance, power-thing; the humiliation aspect of it in his mind turns him on. If you read about guys given them, they brag about it and have no real feeling for the woman, often laughing afterward. Guys rarely discuss specifics of sex but facials are an exception; I’ve had both guys who haven’t read my book but think they know what it’s about and comedians bitter toward women comment, “I got her to go down on me, then I came all over the bitch’s face.” Nice, eh? A couple times I’ve wanted to give one, because as you get close it seems like it would be exciting but then just as I’m about to finish, that urge completely vanishes. I have no desire to do something that I perceive as unpleasant and humiliating to her; so, I make sure to give her breasts a bath, instead, which is far more appealing at the moment of truth and not at all humiliating or unpleasant for her. Plus, after a blowjob, I want to look into each other’s face and smile, not see her grimacing and closing her eyes to avoid getting them stung. Truthfully, most of the women I’ve hooked up with swallow. (Early on, a woman who gave me head explained that if you suck like your working a straw as the guy cums, you can easily swallow and there’s no mess. So, I’ve shared this with women who didn’t swallow—friends, just in general conversation, whatever. Guys, thank me; I’ve created a lot of swallowers! ) If a guy gives you a facial, there’s a very good chance he’s a misogynist, especially if he promises he won’t do it but then does.
15. What do you think about men that are 'Pickup Artists? Have you ever engaged in such behavior? Why or why not?
I like one thing about pua’s: they’ve created an open dialogue on forums across the Internet where there wasn’t one, previously. Men don’t talk about sex and women much beyond “Look at the tits on her,” so the anonymity of the boards and sharing has really helped guys communicate better. Most guys looking to pua boards and practices aren’t looking to become pua’s; they’re just looking for some pointers here and there and honestly like women.
The problem with being a pua is the technique. The guys who founded it are bitter toward women, trying to make up for past rejection in high school and college. (I know; I used to harbor the same resentment but I pushed through it.) They need to be the cool guy who got all the women they couldn’t get back then and want guys to look up to them. In fact, they encourage guys to steal women from their boyfriends. (A practice which supposedly led to the downfall of the recognized founder of the group—his own top followers stole his woman.) This smacks of issues. All the techniques are geared toward shallow, vain women (I call them “trixies”). They tend to be models, the women who spend all their time at clubs, and so forth. The bottom-line is pua’s aren’t comfortable with women; they’re comfortable with their game. Those are two very different things. The basic principle is also mean: negging. In short, this means to spot a woman’s insecurities and to use them to make her feel bad about herself. (This works because trixies feel a need to prove their worth and that worth lies in the visual world—physical appearance, fashion, and let’s not forget the shoes. Oh God, the shoes…)
I’m glad you asked this question because bad boy, pua, and player often get lumped together and they are far from the same thing. For instance, a pua uses a woman’s insecurities to make her feel bad about herself; a bad boy uses her insecurities to make her feel good about herself. That’s a huge difference and a key reason why pua’s tend to have little to no female friends while bad boys have truckloads of ‘em.
FYI: Women that get taken by the PUAs really do have esteem issues. A Bad Girl would see through all that bullshit! I can't believe those guys actually get women!
16. Since you believe men should have women friends, how do you deal with a jealous girlfriend (who is awesome in every other way) that doesn't want you to have other women friends? Do you dump her or dump your friends?
This woman would concern me because she would have to be quite stupid. Women know I have a lot of women friends right from the start. When the woman I’m seeing tonight found out I play volleyball on a team that consists of me and all women (usually it’s a mix of 3 and 3), she just shook her head and smiled, “Why am I not surprised?” You know I have women friends, I don’t hide it, so you’d have to be some kind of fool to expect that to just change. Plus, I look at it as a sign of low self-esteem. Dating someone with self-esteem issues is a nightmare. (“No one can love you until you love yourself;” very true.) So, she’d be gone before she finished the sentence, “It’s either me or your volleyball team of wo—“
Hahaha! What if she was the One but had issues in her past with cheating exes? Wouldn't you cut her some slack?
17. What's one example that you haven't shared about your vindictive streak.
Once after a show, a birthday girl who was into me came up to me with her friends. I was into one of her friends and not her. I convinced her friend to ditch her and come up to my room so I could give her a free t-shirt (I sold t-shirts from the act) for the birthday girl… and something for her. We started to make out and she wanted to leave about a dozen times but I kept pushing, even hiding her purse at one point. Finally, I just took my pants off and hung her keys off my penis (they had that plastic wrist coil on them). I refused to give her the keys; she had to come and get them. When she did, I pulled her skirt up and thrust into her. “Please, please don’t; please stop.”
“Are you asking me to stop for you or her?”
I pulled down her panties. We had some great sex. Of course, she felt horrible the next day. I look back and can’t believe how big a jerk I was. When I finally realized it, I really hated myself. (I did give her a t-shirt for the birthday girl, though; true to my word…)
18. I wouldn't think that was vindictive...just selfish. She was trying to live up to the Sisterhood code and you seduced her out of her good intentions. You bad bad man!
On a scale of 0-10, with 10 being a Great Guy and zero being a total Asshole, rate your level. Why did you give yourself such a score?
7.5. I really am a good guy now and have been one for eight solid years. I know who I am now, what I want, and am sensitive to others, including women, no matter what my interest. Because I’ve run the gamut on this scale—from 10 (voted Sweetest Guy in high school) to probably 1.5 (was never a misogynist or total asshole but saw some 0’s for sure), I feel confident in my rating. I think the 10 would be the nice guy, push-overs and then after that is the confident guy who also knows when to be the bad boy, as needed. That’s exactly who I want to be and who I’ve come to be but it’s been a long, interesting journey getting here, that’s for sure! You want to be a good guy, not a nice guy or bad boy. The good guy is the bad boy with a couple differences: he knows himself and is emotionally available. I’d put bad boy at about 4 on the scale.
He ranks himself a 7.5. I'd probably push him up to an 8 for writing God alone. Happy New Year's Even everyone! Be safe.
The final part in the series will be published tomorrow!
Okay, so click here for part one. Picking up right where we left off Ian, why do guys always say they call and don't? Why not just be upfront and honest and say, "hey, I really don't feel a connection, but it was good to meet you?"
Guys get your number and don’t call mostly for one reason: they don’t think they’re going to be successful. Getting your digits is a victory in itself, so they figure why not end on that, instead of risking rejection? Stupid, I know, but our version of this bone is we call and you don’t return the call. Again, I quote from The New Way to Date because this stuff is so simple and we complicate it so much.
“When a guy asks for your number and you want to be sure he calls, simply write your number down. Hold it out in your palm. When he takes it, squeeze his hand and smile at him. He’ll call because he feels confident he will get a date.”
The more you hesitate about giving a guy your digits, the less likely he is to call. Of course, you can ask for his, telling him, “I don’t give my number out but I’ll take yours.” Then you are sure a call will be made. If he hems and haws, he is non-confident and not worth your time. Real men are confident you will call and realize there are safety issues for you ladies.
So be direct and straightforward when giving digits...got it. I'm sure the other Bad Girls will chime in to tell you that 99% of men met while dating aren't worth their time. Hope someone will develop a better rating system soon..lol.
Who do you think has the most power in relationships? Men or women? Why do you think so?
Women determine whether you date or not; men determine the pacing of the relationship once you are dating. If it leads to marriage, women then take back the majority of power. I think this is why women are so cautious at the start of dating someone and men aren’t; then, once you are officially dating, the men tend to be cautious while the women aren’t. Why does it work this way? Could just be inherent. In nature, the male of the species is always trying to win the female; once she’s committed, the female tends to want to see it through.
Hahaha...yep, women on top all the way! As for the pacing of the relationship, I do agree with that principle...but for the majority of a relationship, the reins are hung up right next to the Louboutin heels. It would bring forth alot of evolutionary sociological issues just to study the pacing of a relationship...but we'll leave that for another day.
Why do you think a woman that sleeps with different men or has had sex with several men (more than 10) is considered a slut or promiscuous, but a man that does the same is regarded as a player? What is up with that double standard?
This is a great example of why I date differently. This is what I term a “stupid society rule.” I don’t consider a woman who’s slept with a lot of guys a slut. I also don’t consider a guy who’s slept with a lot of women to be a player. For example, if a guy simply buys women nice things until they sleep with him, he’s hardly a player. He’s just wealthy and has nothing else with which to work. I don’t give this concept much thought because it’s so utterly stupid. Forget about it and you’ll be much happier. It’s a great concept, though, to confuse people and muddle their thinking. Confusion enables easier marketing and the continuous sale of self-help books and articles in magazines. The goal isn’t to really help you; it’s to keep you as a customer. Look at a women’s magazine. In the same issue, they’ll reveal sixty new sex positions that will “blow his mind” (sex never does anything to a guy’s mind, by the way, except totally clear it when it’s over), and then give you a test to see if you’re a slut. The mixed messages, signals, and topics keep you confused. Guy’s mags do the same thing: They tell guys they should be getting all this sex but give no real insight as to how to get it, so, in the end, all the guys really get is photos of hot women. The inference is that if you buy the products advertised in the mag—like a $150,000 car or “ribbed for her pleasure-“condoms—you’ll get these women. I think the mag, book, and advice that steps up and offers real advice won’t have to worry about keeping or creating customers via perpetuating illogical, bogus notions; customers will keep coming for the enlightenment and continuous insight on the endless topic of dating and relationships.
Okay...to all my ladies out there that love sex...how many times have you been branded a slut? That is some societal brainwashing that we have to lobotomize out!
Are you attached or single? (I asked this because I know the Bad Girls wanna know!) Which state do you prefer best?
Single but possibly about to become attached. As I said, I have a third date tonight. I prefer to be dating someone, as I’d like to settle down and I enjoy the intimacy dating brings that you can’t get from a bunch of short term relationships, dates, or one-night stands.
Ladies...he's still sorta kinda free. Email me if you want his contact info;)
11. Is it possible to have great sex without orgasms? Have you ever had orgasmless sex?
I’ve been with women who haven’t always orgasmed and they like it, nonetheless; although, I’m not happy they didn’t climax. I really like to make people happy, especially in something so intimate. I have failed to orgasm only once and that’s misleading. One percent of the male population can maintain their erection after ejaculation. I fall into that one percent. While I keep the erection, especially strong if we go at it again immediately, it usually takes a long time for me to climax again… and if we go a third or fourth time, even longer between each. (I’ve only gone a fourth time once or twice; most women can’t go beyond three straight times, if that.) My “productivity” depends on how attracted I am to the woman, as well as how often we’ve had sex. If we’ve been intimate many times, I’m more relaxed and can go more times right after finishing. If I’m very attracted to her and she’s good with all the heavy breathing, sighing, crying out, and so forth, I can go again right away even when it’s our first time together. In either scenario, we typically have to change positions several times between my climaxes because my other muscles get tired—arms, legs, etc.
Okay, so once I was crazy about this sexy blonde with a tight body and great ass (I’m a butt man) who I had wanted for over a year. We had fooled around, even dated for a while, but she always left me in a lurch. The sexual tension between us was huge. We knew we couldn’t date and she didn’t want to ruin the friendship. Finally, though, we snapped. I finished after only a few pumps but, because I was so drawn to her, was easily able to maintain. We went at it straight for another 90 minutes. I couldn’t finish and she was tired out but I had a feeling we wouldn’t be hooking up again, so I wanted to experience every position with her… especially the one where her ass would be smacking into my stomach. So, I kept going until we had been in every position in which I wanted her. I would have kept going but she had plans to go to a comedy club that night with her live-in boyfriend. She climaxed a bunch of times while I only climaxed at the start… like 20 seconds into the whole act. Of course it felt good for me the whole time but I would have liked to have orgasmed a few more times; that would have been great.
12. Why do men ignore relationship problems? What is the most recurring relationship problem that you have encountered in your relationships? What about in your writings?
What? What are you talking about? Next question, please… If we’re with you, it’s usually not a problem in our minds, just yours. The being with you is our way of telling you it’s not a problem; we’ll just live with it. Men tend to accept women with their flaws; we also tend to accept the fact that you are always working to change us to an image of what you want us to be in your head. We prefer not to have an opinion as opposed to doing battle where we can’t win, unless it’s actually very important to us. Disagree, ladies? Have you ever thrown out your guy’s old shirt, chair, shoes, or whatever, not caring if he got upset or hurt? What would happen if we did that to you? Exactly. The truth is, we tend to be more understanding than you, even though it is painted the other way around. There are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to dating and relationships.
Skepticism is the biggest problem I have in relationships. I’m very direct and communicative; women have a habit of always wanting to “look for the truth” or “read into things.” So girlfriends will “look for the lie,” especially early on. At times it seriously interferes with enjoying just dating each other. I’ve always been a good communicator but now I am more than ever; having a book and three weekly columns with my name tattooed on them can lead to some serious misinterpretations and if there isn’t good communication on both ends, I can’t fix things. I have good insight but now it’s clouded—is there a problem because of something I wrote in a column? Something written about me on a message board? What you found when you googled my name? All these elements along with some women erroneously inferring that I condone treating women badly because they read a few clips of the book somewhere or (my favorite) think they know what I’m about and the book… without even reading so much as a sentence of anything I’ve written, leads to some seriously wrong conclusions. I’ve learned not to tell any women I meet about the book and columns until they know me well enough to know what I’m really about. I don’t give them my last name (can’t google) and I created an email address for them to use until I’m ready to tell them.
The single greatest problem people have in dating is self doubt. The majority of my writings address some part of this issue.
On that note we'll take a break. I can understand how self doubt and skepticism can ruin a relationship...personally it almost ruined mine at the beginning. This is why I'm such a big believer in dealing with your baggage BEFORE you get into a relationship, and this includes your personal views, biases and prejudices about the other sex. Not every guy is an assclown (just a good portion of them).
Okay everyone, you know I couldn't let Ian go without grilling him some hard questions, especially after the hot seat he gave me last week. For those of you just tuning in, Ian Coburn is the witty comedian/blogger/author who wrote God is a Woman and blogs on Lunch Is Not a Date as well as as several weekly columns both online and in print. Seriously...read that book, catchy title aside, it's truly a book that lets you understand the dating perspective from the male paradigm, and gives us gals a reality check. SAY WHAT YOU WANT and stop being fake.
His answers are in bold, mine in regular font:
What is the big deal with men and porn?
I researched this heavily by watching hours of Internet porn to give you the most honest answer possible… I actually have no interest in porn; I’m not a watcher, I’m a doer. Before GODcame out, I had no idea why single guys get into porn. After its release, though, I began getting questions about dating and quickly realized why: Many guys are unhappy in their sex lives— not getting any or with someone they really don’t like. (It’s amazing how many people settle, especially guys, who will often nail anything, claiming, “It all feels the same.”) To test this out, I once deprived myself of a sex act I really enjoy while dating someone—no blowjobs. Sure enough, even though we were having sex regularly, after two months, I found myself perusing teaser videos (meant to get you to sign up for porn sites) of women giving head.
Guys in long-term relationships, married or otherwise, get into porn for the variety. It’s a safe way to fantasize about other women. (Sorry, but we really are built to crave different types of women.) When in long-term relations, I don’t have this problem because I have very open communications with the woman. So, we engage in some role-playing at times and do what the other person craves, meaning we act out the fantasy, so no need to watch it.
Hmmm, so the reasoning behind porn is that it's a natural male instinct to crave variety? Are you saying that it's impossible for a man to be strictly monogamous in his head? Perhaps we've been holding you to a ridiculously high expectation---oh wait, it's the same one you have been holding us to! Truthfully us girls crave variety as well, but if we even lean in multiple directions we are instantly branded as a slut. (To all my freaky sluts, check out For the Girls)...Yummy. Pretty much, if a girl wants to get her guy off the porn site and into the bedroom, she just has to be open to his fantasies and role-playing? I kinda figured that one out...but thanks!
If you were in a relationship, would you still masturbate?
Would? Do! This might change if I lived with someone, which I never have, but I suspect I still would from time to time. Let’s face it; sometimes you want it and your partner’s not around or “has a headache.” For me, I had so many “almosts” with women until my mid-twenties, that I sometimes find myself imagining “what if” with one of those women, and that’s something you do in alone time.
I'm a big advocate of self-love. So I totally agree with you on this one.
Do you think a man that asks his lover to rank/compare him to other men she's been with is insecure? Why or why not? Do most men do this? Have you ever done this?
Absolutely. He’s an idiot, too, because the answer means nothing. You might as well ask a fish if it enjoyed being caught by you more than anyone else. I have never asked. In my experience, if you please more than those before you, the woman will tell you; there is no need to ask. Then, you know it’s sincere (unless her tone is wrong). Some women have told me I’m the best at something, best they’ve had, or whatever and I know they meant it; others haven’t, and I know they had better. A few have told me I’m the best but I knew they didn’t mean it. Those, I didn’t sleep with again or I’ve brought it up to—I’m wary of people who feel the need to lie. You’re not always going to gel sexually, which is something a lot of people don’t get; being in love≠great sex… sorry virgins who believe that will be the case!
*Still laughing at the fish comment* Yep...being in love is not equal to great sex. I'm sure we've all had experiences that taught us that lesson!
Have you ever dated a one night stand after the one night? Why didn't the relationship work out?
Okay, this will sound cocky (pardon the pun) but 70% of my first dates wind up in bed. This is because I have a different dating methodology than what’s preached—instead of building interest, I build momentum (which includes interest). There’s a free ebook detailing it on my site, called The New Way to Date. Actually, I don’t want the dates to wind up in bed that soon but it tends to happen. A first date is not that different than a one-night stand, so it is not uncommon for me to date one-night stands. In fact, my longest relationship ever—one year, nine months—started as a one-night stand. My relationships end because one of us just doesn’t see it going any further—love is not on the horizon.
Hmmmm, this is interesting. You don't want them to end up in bed but it just happens? Hahaha...I think God had a hand in that. As in the Woman. Not to crash your illusions but we know we want to sleep with you...waaaaay before you start thinking about it.
5. If you buy me dinner and drinks, does that mean I have to come up with dessert? And why do men always expect mattress mambo after shelling out for a couple of dates?
Nice analogy! I love it. You don’t need to come up with dessert; I have it in my pants. You just need to… Guys who expect women to put out after buying some dinners are idiots. Whether you pay for dinner once or fifteen times, what does it have to do with sex? Nothing. These guys have self-esteem issues and aren’t real men; they are boys. If you think paying should guarantee getting laid, there are these women out there known as hookers and that’s where you should be investing your money. This is also why I don’t buy drinks for women I want to meet at a bar; again, it’s low self-esteem. It smacks of “I can’t think of any reason why you would want to talk to me; I’m totally uninteresting and have nothing to say, so I’ll buy you a drink and then you’ll have to talk to me.” Chances are, she’ll take your free drinks and give her number to the guy who’s not buying her anything. Dah.
At the same time, you can’t let a woman lead you around, just getting free meals. If it’s not going where you want, take the heartache (or penis ache) and cut your losses. You should talk to her first and feel her out about the situation. A date is a guarantee of nothing except an opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with someone. It’s called rolling the dice.
Amen to that Ian! Say it loud so that all those oafs can hear you.
Do you think women should go dutch on dates? Why or why not?
I actually got a version of this question on Lifetime a month ago. My answer spawned a debate but in the end, all parties’ issues were resolved. It depends on the message you want to send. Guys need to gauge your interest level and determine whether you are on a “date date” (yeah, I know the chick lingo). The easiest way to do this is to see who pays. If we pay and you don’t say anything, you’re into us. If you insist on going dutch, it’s a strong indicator you’re not that interested. Yeah, yeah, I know that might not actually be the case but that’s irrelevant. The reason most of us suck at dating is because we fail to step back and consider the other person’s POV. It doesn’t matter at all what you think about this, ladies; it only matters what is going on in the guy’s head and that’s what’s going on. If you want a guy to know you like him, let him pay; don’t offer more than an “are you sure?” if that, even. Before you get your panties in a bunch, you can always offer to pay on the next date. In fact, when he pays, if you really want to clue him into asking you out again on the spot (part of The New Way to Date), you should say something on the spot like, “Well, I got the next one, then,” and smile. I have a third date with a woman tonight and she is taking me to dinner. So, you can still split things; just do it in another manner.
That's a really good alternative. I think that the whole feminist movement has enshrouded the courtship principle and pretty much ruined dating. I have noticed that when I don't like the guy, I always go dutch, so maybe that is an unspoken principle in the works. Ladies, heed the advice...but bring your cash anyway (God knows there are still cheapskates walking around). I once heard of story of a girl that had to do the dine and dash, because she didn't bring any money on her first date and the guy was a total loser. You've been warned.
On that note, I'll close the interview for today. Check in for part 2 tomorrow!
Okay, here's a quiz I got from a friend. I realized that I'm a very weird, picky and unpredictable person. Leave a comment with all the weird stuff you find in this survey. I'm counting 8 but you might find some more...
A - Available: Nope. Sorry...I'm taken. - Age: 28 and loving it. - Annoyance: People that do less than the speed limit in the fast lane. Move over you slowpoke! Get out of my way! - Animal: Ummm, what's an animal?
B - Beer: Yuck, yuck, eeewwwwww! - Birthday: October 2nd - Best Friend(s): Joycii, Norio - Body Part on opposite sex: Rhymes with sock. Oh yeah baby, come to mama! - Best feeling in the world: Multiple orgasms, three in a row back to back to back. Don't knock it until you've had it. - Blind or Deaf: Deaf. - Best weather: Sunny & Hot. Not humid though. - Been on stage?: Yes, too many times - Believe in Magic: Yes - Believe in Santa: Hell no!
C - Candy: Reese's peanut butter cups. - Color(s): Power color: red, favorite color: pink, car color: purple. - Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla - Chinese/Mexican: Chinese. I love fried rice way too much to settle for anything else. - Cake or pie: Pie...all the crust, no filling. - Continent to visit: Australia - Cheese: Fresh Mozzarella and goat cheese
D - Day or Night: Night person - Dance in the rain: Yes...if only I didn't fall sick every single time after *sigh*
E - Eyes: Brown - Everyone's got: Wants - Ever failed a class?: Yep, I got a D in Calculus. It was waaaay over my head. Luckily it didn't transfer.
F - First thoughts waking up: Where's the damn snooze button. More sleep - Food: Rice on rice
G - Greatest Fear: Hmmm. I'm not a scaredy cat. But I can be a worrier. - Goals: Lose weight, pay off debts, write a book, travel more, finally have that wedding... - Gum: Ugh. Yuck. - Get along with your parents?: I used to. - Good luck charm: What is that? Sorry, I don't believe in luck. I believe in hard work, prayer and lots of enthusiasm.
H - Hair Color: Black - Height: 5'4 - Happy: Yes. Except when I'm sad. - Holiday: New Years...new beginnings - How do you want to die: Fast, quick, painless and in my 70s.
I - Ice Cream: Reese's peanut butter. - Instrument: Violin horribly, piano vaguely from childhood, recorder frequently and well.
J - Jewelry: Necklaces, bracelets and things that jangle. No piercings though. - Job: I'm a nurse....like duh, you should know that
K - Kids: Ummm no. I don't do crotchfruit. - Kickboxing or karate: Kickboxing. I'll whup your ass. - Keep a journal?: Yes...doesn't everyone?
L - Love: is totally worth it - Laughed so hard you cried: yesterday
M - Milk flavor: Ewww... I HATE milk. If I must, I'll go with powdered milk...super thin. - Movies: Romantic comedies, dramas and anything that involves screwing The Man (heists, jail breaks etc). - Motion sickness?: If i'm reading while in a car - McD’s or BK: Yuck, yuck, yuck! Fast poison
N - Number of Siblings: 1 older bro, 3 younger sisters - Number of Piercings: None. - Number: Any number divisible by 4.
O - One Wish: For more wishes. Thanks!
P - Perfect Pizza: Yuck, yuck, yuck! Pizza is cheese standing solid at room temperature just waiting to clog my arteries and give me a heart attack!
Q - Quail: Ewwwww! Why would u eat the little birdies! R - Reasons to cry: Pain. - Radio Station: Anything that has John Jay & Rich morning show. - Roll your tongue in a circle? That's possible? - Ring size: Six.
S - Song: Still on Alicia's AS I AM. I love that album. And being interchanged with JHud's selftitled album. - Shoe size: 9s/ Yes I know..I have big feet! - Salad Dressing: Depends on my mood. I don't have a go to dressing though. - Sushi: Raw fish? You've gotta be kidding me. Fry that shit up and then we can talk. - Slept outside: Yes, camping. - Skinny dipped?: Hells yeah - Shower daily?: Ummm - Sing well: A little - In the shower?: No. I sing mostly to myself when I'm happy - Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries
T - Tattoos?: Nada - Time for bed: Whenever I get to bed. Usually when I'm tired. - Thunderstorms: Oh yes. Preferably one that I don't have to go anywhere, I have movies and a snuggle partner.
U - Unpredictable: Yes. I believe the politically correct term is Free spirit
V - Vacation spot: Gosh...I have a list. Currently 45 and counting...
W - Weakness: Walkers shortbread cookies. I'll do anything for them. - Which one of your friends acts the most like you: None. - Worst feeling: Sickle cell pain - Wanted to be a model?: Nope. I wanted to be a secretary. - Where do we go when we die?: To your next life. - Worst Weather?: Anything cold.
X - X-Rays: I've had a bunch - Ex's: Are all X'ed out of my life
Y -Year it is now: 2008 -Yellow: Nice color.
Z - Zoo animal: None. I don't enjoy watching animals in captivity.
LAST PERSON WHO… 1. Slept in a bed beside you?: My man of course. 2. You went to the mall with?: Myself. I like shopping my myself...there's noone to tell me I'm spending too much money... 3. You went to dinner with?: My coworker 4. You talked to on the phone?: Norio 5. Made you laugh?: My roomie 6. Hugged you?: My very pregnant good friend Shay 7. Said they loved you? My man 8. Held your hand?: My man 9. Spoke with?: My man 10. You cried over?: The last time I was sick.
As regular readers know, I've been in a rut creatively the last year or so. The blog, which was started as a personal journal of advice to my kid sister, had grown into something more, something that I didn't know what to do with. I like making little waves...big waves freak me out. I'm sure if any therapist analyzed this they would say it has something to do with my childhood (which was great for the most part, but the celebrity thing growing up has me craving anonymity like a drug)....
Anyway, to fight the Writer's Block, I diverged my writing into another avenue., starting from scratch and creating something new, another blog that showed a deeper and scarier side of me---the part that I don't usually want to talk about, the part that I avoid at all costs. I realized that I could help people by talking about the horrible monster that I fight on a daily basis....one that was bigger and scarier than dating, sex, men, relationships and breakups all combined.
The truth is, finding my voice on SSCKMA led me to losing my voice on the Bad Girls Guide.
Y'all can thank Ian Coburn, the dynamic, very eloquent and hilarious comedian/writer for bringing me back to the BGG and out of my writing doldrums---mainly because he very persistantly hounded me for answers to his questions. (I'm not saying he's a stalker, but if it walks like a duck and quacks like one...u get my drift;)
He asked me some thought provoking questions, deep ones that made me re-identify my inner Bad Girl and made me question my perceptions of relationships. He definitely approaches dating in a whole new and amazingly effective way, if all the men use this system, they would be getting alot more dates, that's for sure!
If you are looking for a great gift for the guy friend/brother/coworker in your life, then send them a copy of his book "God is a Woman". The title alone grabbed me, but the logic and insight in the book...it's scintillating. I always thought God was a woman btw! I heartily recommend every woman to read it ---it gives you a bird's eye view into how most men view women and the stuff that scares men away running as fast as they can go in the other direction.
So over the last 2 months, various search & rescue parties have been sent to my neck of the woods to find me and bring me back out into the blogosphere. They sent emails, calls and texts, but none where able to bring me back from the doldrums of a silent blog.
I can't say that I"m back for reals yet, because I still don't know what I want to write about. This blog has taken a dramatic turn, mainly because my well is dried up. I'm so disgustingly happy that I can't figure out a relationship or dating problem to write about (Jeez, I don't even know what the dating pool is like anymore, it's been so long!).
I mean, I could write about how Norio always leaves his socks lying around, but that would bore you guys in no time. I could write about the hurdles of planning and funding a trans-continental wedding (and by trans I mean 3 international locations: his country, my country, our third romantic wedding away from the throngs of people/family). Perhaps I should turn this into a wedding planning blog...but then that would just take away from the foundation that is the Bad Girls Guide. So I was at a loss, kept having issues coming up with stuff to write, and I just decided to not worry about it until I got my mojo back.
However, out of the blue abyss, something caught my eye and made me want to write again. It was an interview, from this pretty funny comedian/writer guy. You've got to read his book, it will make you see that us women do create chaos and drama where there is none.
Anyway, to cut the long story short, we've both decided to do guest interview spots on our respective blogs. Since he was so kind to post my responses first...I'll let you all check it out on his site right HERE: Go read this interview, because the next few posts are all going to be about Ian Coburn and his wonderful dating treatise.
This is the word edition. I know I'm late...but I've been on vacation baby!
1. What is your language pet peeve. (example 'hot water heater', why would you heat hot water): My language pet peeve is when ignorant Americans think people that are bilingual should speak English perfectly when they (the ignoramus') can't even speak proper English. 2. What is your favorite word? Fuck! Both dirty and clean? Fuck! (As you can see, fuck can be used appropriately in all dirty and clean instances) 3. What is the one word you cannot spell? That doesn't exist. I've been a vocabulary hound since I was five. 4. What is the one word you always pronounce wrong? I have to thnk about this one... 5. If you could erase one popular catchphrase from the english language, what would it be? Gangsta. Really...what the eff is that? A real gangster doesn't rock chains, gold teeth and 'hos. He doesn't talk about the shit that he's done but keeps his yap shut because he doesn't want to get caught by talking too much. Gangstas nowadays are so lame.
The late, and very hot Michael Hutchence (INXS) once sang, "Words are weapons, sharper than knives" . What is the most hurtful thing you have ever said to anyone? I once wrote a very, very nasty letter to someont that offended me. Actually, I've done that twice and sent both of the letters. Was it deliberate or accidental? Deliberate. I'm evil like that. What was the most hurtful thing ever said to you? My mom said she wouldn't be mad if I married a non-Nigerian because of my illness. Which gave me a complex about not being worthy enough for a Nigerian...Do you think it was deliberate or accidental? Probably accidental.