Bad Girl's Guide

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Formula to a Long Lasting Relationship

I was talking to my patient and his wife today, a couple that are still so sweet and loving even after 48 years of marriage. "So what's the magic formula to keep things strong?" I asked. Yes, it might seem a redundant question but her response was one that really tugged chords with me.

"Commitment. There is no out clause for us. We vowed forever and we will do everything in our power to keep that vow." She told me that they had been through some rough times, and there are moments that even she would want to pull his hair out. But she always reminded herself that she "went into this with my eyes wide open and will stay in it with my eyes wide open."

It just got me reflecting on how our generation is so ready to call it quits as soon as the relationship hits the skids or calamity strikes. We have become a generation of fast food relationships, where friends, family and loves are casually tossed aside when they no longer fulfill our needs or something better comes along.

Alot of my patients went through the depression, and they hold on to everything from a shoe string to a piece of tissue paper. What we view as waste, they store and keep for when it will be needed. But I'm getting off topic here...

Yeah, so the formula to a long lasting relationship by my lady in room 17;
Oh, and if your guy is sick in the hospital, come with a cheery attitude, some good food and a smile. It will do wonders for his health.

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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

TMI Tuesday



1. What is your favorite holiday memory from when you were a kid? Running around in my grandma's yard chasing the chickens. Oh, and playing at the construction site of her new house that took almost 20 years to build. And visiting with my grandma in the village every Christmas. And the vacations....oh the wonderful vacations
2. What is the "naughtiest" thing you have ever done under a Christmas tree? Open all the presents that were for me. And rewrapped them of course.
3. On a scale of 1-10, how "good" were you this year? Hehehe, wouldn't you like to know. I was bad...VERY VERY bad. IN all sorts of wonderfully, sexy, passionate and naughty ways.
4. How long have you been playing TMI? A few months I think. Not that regular yet.
5. What is the most embarrassing thing that happened to you this year? I sent this stupid joke about a grasshopper to all my friends, and it turned out to be an anti-Democratic forward, so everyone was emailing me back like ???? WTF, are you a Republican now? I didn't even know it was about politics...that's the embarrassing part, i just thought it was a joke!

Bonus (as in optional):Tell us a secret from your past that you would share during a "Nobody in this room knows this about me" ice-breaker. Oh boy---I don't think there is nothing that nobody knows about me. Okay, let me try. Nobody in this room, aka the blogosphere knows that I'm 420 friendly. And I think I've only done it a couple of times but I'm sure now that I'm moving to Portland that number will increase significantly.

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Saturday, December 22, 2007

When You Are Dickmotized

Definition: Dick-motosis occurs when a woman is with a guy that sucks in almost every single respect except one---he gives her really good sex. A woman that is dick-motized is in essence hynotised so much by his good loving that she chooses to overlook or forgive all his other more glaring annoying qualities.

First of all a big holla to my fav new Bad Girl, Ebonne. It was from her that I first heard this phrase but as soon as she said it, it totally clicked.

It's so easy to get dickmotized and yet so hard to get out of. Most stories that I've heard of with women sticking for years with men that aren't good for them are because they are hopelessly hypnotized by his cock. They put up with all the bull shit out and drama out of bed, because that good fuckin' got them all weak that they can't think straight. Their friends are telling them to wake up and snap out of it---but they can't, they are addicted to that cock like it's heroin.

So how does a Bad Girl get out of Dickmotosis?
  1. Quit Cold Turkey. Like any bad habit, trying to wean yourself off slowly can take weeks or months. To get out of the dickmotosis, you have to quit him altogether. Break it off, stop taking his calls, his texts and emails. Delete all his contact information and tell him to lose your number. He will be persistently trying to get you back for a while but you have to be strong, because once you get back into his sphere it will be harder to break free.
  2. Buy a Vibrator. An honest to goodness, premium vibrator like the Wanichi Vibe or Hitachi Magic Wand. Get a replacement, albeit an electronic one and start using it to wean yourself off his cock. If you are used to getting one or two orgasms from him daily---give yourself 5 in the morning, 2 for lunch and another 2 at night. This will enable you to stop craving his cock so much. The vibrator is just like Nicorette for smokers, a substitute to get you through the hard times when you wanna break down and give in to his smooth charms. When you are craving him, zap yourself up with your Electronic Boyfriend.
  3. Get a Support Group. Most girls already have a built in support group in their friends. So tell them you are trying to break yourself of the bad habit of jumping to him whenever Mr. Good Dick crooks his finger at you. That way when you feel yourself breaking, give one of them a ring instead of calling him. They will also help you through the rocky break up patch and give you an emotional lift when you are feeling down.
  4. Take a Breather. Once you get clean from him, don't be so quick to jump into another dickmotized situation. Sure, sex is great and all, but you don't want to replace one addiction with another. Learn some new hobbies, travel, join a cause or volunteer. Do something and anything to fill your hours with exciting and great experiences that don't evolve around sex.
  5. Become a Dick Slayer. This is the final part of the journey. After taking time to learn more about yourself and what pleasures you, you can take steps to learn more about sex and all it's wild horizons. Flex your Kegels, take a sensuality class, (or even a stripping class). Embrace your sexuality and stop being the recipient, turn yourself into the giver. Take hold of the reins, ride dirty and be the wild, bad girl you were destined to be. That way it will be hard to get Dick-motized again, because he'll be laid out with all the good lovin' you've laid down on him.
Are there any other tips you ladies can think of?

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Thursday, December 20, 2007

The 3 G Spots

Lala, this ones for you.

I didn't even know I had more than one g-spot until I met Norio. He found the other 2 all by himself and I am the lucky recipient. Since he didn't draw a map, I can only kinda tell you where it is.

It's been official, there isn't just a g-spot anymore, women have a g-zone, a larger erogenous zone on the pelvic wall side of the pussy. Since most men can't even find the dime sized g spot, this is good. Stimulating around the anterior side of the vagina will work, but usually only the g spot will bring most women to orgasm.

Add to that, there is the U-spot (which is one of the three). The U-spot is actually located closer to the opening of the uterus and when rubbed consistently will yield to another orgasm. The third is the A-spot, which is somewhere on the inside part of the clitoris and when stimulated lubricates as well as pleasures.

So, the position that makes him hit all three spots?

First start in missionary, then inch your legs all the way up over his shoulders. This flattens the pussy and allows him to reach the U-spot with each stroke. The flattening position also stretches your clitoris open wider, which makes the A-spot accessible. And hopefully his cock is thick enough to hit your g-spot all in one smooth rhythm.

As soon as my legs are up, I'm orgasming in less than 3 strokes. For me it's as guaranteed as the ocean being wet. I can't even do this for too long because I start speaking in tongues and getting dizzy, it's that good.

Okay, enough sex talk early in the morning...y'all are making me horny. (14 days to go!) Good luck, let me know if you find them, and happy searching.

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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

TMI Tuesday



1. Are you done with your shopping yet? Nope. I wait until AFTER New Years, and swoop in for all the sales.
2. What is your favorite sexual position? Depends on my mood. The Wheelbarrow...learn this ladies, it's a gem for hitting your three g-spots if he's doing it right.
3. On a scale of 1-10, how open are you to trying new sexual things? VERY, VERY open. I believe I'll try anything at least once. Unless it involves animals or midgets.
4. What present are you hoping to get this year? The iRobot Roomba. It's the automatic vacuum cleaner, can I get a hells yeah!!!
5. With your current partner (or your last partner) how often was the sex better than just good? All the time...are you kidding? It's been phenomenal, even when I don't feel up to it, somehow he gets me revving.

Bonus (as in optional):Can a relationship that you are part of survive on sex alone? Yes...but we'd have to eat sometime;) Could it survive a prolonged period of abstinence? Yes...like right now...15 days and counting....

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Monday, December 17, 2007

When You Catch Him Cheating

Most women think that we are invincible or infallible to picking out a cheat, but cheating can happen to anybody in any situation. This is one of the things that we tend to dog men on alot and I hate to get on a soapbox but even though we know cheating is wrong, for some reason our society has glamorized or glossed it up to make it look like it's not such a huge betrayal as it should be.

So what happens when you follow your sixth sense or randomly find your man double dipping on you? Your first reaction naturally is one of shock and dismay, but then alot of other emotions flow right into the mix quite brutally. Anger is the one that is hardest to deal with, because it flares up with such intensity that it might actually make your blood 'burn', literally and figuratively. I've heard stories of women while in the midst of rage cut off their guys parts, stab people, pour boiling water or acid, kill the woman or beat the shit out of everyone in the room. You don't want to be that psycho.

Why? Because the truth of the matter is that if any man has the nerve to cheat on your fabulous self then he doesn't deserve you. Reacting angrily and getting yourself into a situation that has the potential to affect the rest of your life isn't the solution---kicking the dickweed out of your life is.

When you react angrily, you will do and say things that you might later regret. For all you know, the girl could have been an innocent victim, thinking that Mr. Casanova was her guy and didn't even know about you---then you would have punished her for no reason. She's not the one you need to enact your revenge on...he is. We always want to attack the girl first, but that isn't where your anger and attention should be focused. She doesn't owe you anything---she never made promises to you, she never had an exclusive, monogamous relationship with you---in fact she probably doesn't even know you.

However, Mr. Libertine is the one that lied, cheated and betrayed you, so why are you taking it out on the girl? Let the chick go, she ain't got nothing to do with this. A "Bitch get the fuck out of my house," should do the trick to get her ass in gear, if not, throw her out.

Now that you have no witnesses, er...people around, you can start to castrate or brand, um get on with the next phase, getting the dude out of your life and your bed. He will of course be begging you, apologizing profusely and promising heaven and earth, but if you don't get rid of him now, I can bet you money that in a few months, you'll be wishing you did. If you don't, your relationship ends up in Cheater's Purgatory, which is a relationship slow death. Better to cut it off severely and be done with it. It's over, the trust is broken, he's a cheat and you don't need that in your life.

If you need anthem music, turn on Irreplaceable or Before He Cheats. It's enough to simmer your blood boil to a medium range, think clearly and kick him out.

Next, go through the Break Up plan and call in the posse of reinforcements. Whoever said revenge is a dish best served cold really did have his thinking brain on. Formulate a brilliant scheme that won't get you caught, locked up, or sued and enact it masterfully a few weeks later. There is nothing more therapeutic than a ritualistic roast of your ex's most prized possessions.

Further Reading:
Breakups

So, do share...what are you most satisfying revengeful moments that you've heard of or ever had? There might be a Bad Girl in here that needs a good plan.

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Sunday, December 16, 2007

Book Review: The Girl's Guide to Absolutely Everything


This book is truly a manual on everything related to life in this generation. Melissa Kirsch covers every single topic under the sun, from investments, living on a budget, dealing with pets, frienvy and family. At a hefty 400+ pages, this book promises alot in the title and delivers all that and more.

It's not a literary chore as one might think from the thickness, in fact, every page has lovely blurbs and little sections to keep even the more attention deficit order having of us entertained. There are numerous quotes and citations from other noteworthy authors of this genre like Greg Behrendt and Laurie Frankel.

I gotta say this, Melissa did her homework on EVERYTHING and wrote a book to tell us all about it. It's like she figured out the facts of every sphere of our life in this generation; from health to love to finances and laid it all out in black and white.

She makes everything that we dread about life, the bills, job interviews, the 401ks, the budget, traveling, stains on clothes/carpeting, coming out of the closet, spirituality and dealing with friend and family hassles sound so easy and uncomplicated to understand and take care of. It makes you feel like you have the handle on this thing called life and you can deal with anything that comes your way (even unclogging the toilet without having to call a guy to do it).

Personally I'm going to invest in my own power drill, so I can fix things and put things right where I want them. We might not have the muscles to do things, but that's why God created power tools!

The only topics that I felt weren't delved into sufficiently was anything involved with severe illness, death and dying. But for a book about LIVING---it does cover every single aspect. Check it out at your bookstore, just flick through a few pages and you'll find yourself learning more about how to handle your business than you ever realized you didn't know about.

This is something that every woman needs to read and a book that should be shared and passed on among the Sisterhood. Give it to your little sis, your friends, your daughter and even that weird looking girl at the coffee shop. Every woman needs to read this book.

Check it out HERE.

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Saturday, December 15, 2007

TMI Tuesday

Okay this is late (or early) depending on which way you look at it, but I'm doing it anyway! Ha!

1. Are you and early shopper or a late shopper? I'm a late shopper. I hate dealing with crowds, long lines and annoyed salespeople. I want all their attention to me dammit! So I always do my holiday shopping AFTER the holidays, which includes New Years. I tend to get fab gifts far cheaper than buying it during the peak season as the stores are trying to get rid of their inventory. So it works out better for me.

2. What is your favorite cartoon (current or passed)? Hmmmm, I'm not really a cartoon person. I guess it would be Jem & the Holograms, it's the only cartoon that I still remember alot of the songs and jingles.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how competent are you on home repair projects? Depending on what it is. I'm a great builder of furniture, I'd give myself a 10. Anything that needs a power tool, I can do that too, gimme another 10. So the only other thing is anything that involves dead animals or ickiness, I'll do it if I have to, but I'll pass up on it if I can. 5 there.

4. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Kissing under the mistletoe---hells yeah! Oh and I like the exchanging gifts part alot too.

5. Describe your favorite kiss? Slow and gentle, very slow, melding air, melding breath, swirling and hot, tongue and lips. Lasting longer than a minute. Eyes connect. Repeat and burn. Do you give it or receive it? Both. I like it both ways.

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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

On Being Real

You know that saying that men with small dicks drive big trucks? I think the same is true of women. Not in the truck department, but I feel that girls that toot their horn too much are really on the inside, really insecure. I've had a few interactions in the last two weeks that got me thinking about women who boast about everything under the sun; especially when you really break it down, they aren't doing anything to boast about.

I love the fact that all my girls are handling their business and holding it down in every sphere of life however some women I've encountered talk a loud game but aren't really backing it up. From large exaggerations to downright lies, we tend to say anything to butter our rep with other people. Why? Why are we so afraid to show that we are vulnerable, are struggling and we are doing our best with what we've got? Why is it that we always gotta put on this 'face' in public like everything is gravy?

In every group of friends, there is competition, we might not voice it, but under the surface it's there. We want to do better and prove we're better than everyone else, I don't know if it's inherent in the human population, but we as women can be just as competitive as men. Actually, I take that back---we are more competitive than men, and sometimes we can be downright evil about that competition shizz. Either we are talking up ourselves or tearing someone else down---why can't we just be happy where we are without needing to tear into each other?

And don't even get me started on how we talk about men. Sure he might be all that to us (especially in the honeymoon phase) and know how to eat good pussy, but why is it that when we get with our girls we start talking him up like he's Adonis sent from above? It's a straight trip, especially when your girls know he ain't shit, got 2 baby mama's and no job.

Okay, maybe I'm just being really cynical, but what is it about us women that we like to jock and flatter men that are in reality a total joke? Do you ever see the guys flattering the girl that doesn't have her life together? Oh hell no---they keep it real to the point of disrespect, and just get what they can get and bounce on to some other honey that has her act together.

So I guess this is just a challenge. Will the real sisters please stand up. Let's stop being fake and frontin'. Let's stop talking up losers and stay true to what we truly want in a relationship. You can't call for respect from others if you don't even respect yourself. So don't just talk about it---BE about it.

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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Book Review: The Single Girl's Survival Guide


There are hundreds if not thousands of books out there that talk about moving from a staid, lonely onesome to an adorable and loving two-some; however, Imogen Lloyd Webber takes the other stance, proving what our generation is shouting loud and clear, being single is fuckin’ fabulous!

I’m always skeptical with books that promise alot like this in the title, however with this Guide, I ended up pleasantly surprised. She writes this book from her personal collection of a life of a saucy Singleton and attacks every single topic from snarly fuck buddies to getting your own house, car and living space. Every single page of this book is chock full of ideas that will make you realize (as if you don’t already do), that being single isn’t synonymous with being lonely, bored and unfulfilled. From traveling the world, attracting guys, saving money, having great sex to amassing a wicked collection of shoes, Imogen addresses alot of the pros of the single life as well as the cons.

Speaking of the cons, she has delightful chapters with ideas of how to get out of and deal with awful first dates, friends hooking you up and blind dates as well as weddings, work parties and any other occasion where your single-ness might be criticized harshly. In addition, she has a feisty message that will have you flipping the tables on the Twosomes, proving to them that life is still fabulously vibrant by your self!

There is so much covered in it’s full 192 pages, but what I found most funny were the acronyms. She had all kinds of acronyms and nicknames for every situation, like Gay Best Friend (GBF), Promise Much Deliver Little (PMDL) and so many more. That floored me more than anything, keeping up with the meanings of all the acronyms, but if you can get past that, you will have a very scintillating and inspiring read, one that will have you shouting with a loud voice, “Yes I’m Single and Loving it!”

Check it out HERE.

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Monday, December 10, 2007

10 Facts Every Single Girl Should Know

(from Imogen Lloyd Webber’s The Single Girl’s Survival Guide)
  1. When interviewing for a job, think about what employers are looking for and dress to fit their ideal—don’t wear a short skirt and stilettos if they will distract you from impressing the interviewer.
  2. For the single girl, a good home is where buses, the subway, shops of all description, and your working world are right outside the door.
  3. As soon as you can afford it, move out of your parents’ home. It will make you happy.
  4. Don’t confuse Genuine Girlfriends with Girl Playmates. Some friends are wonderful for confiding everything to; others should be confined to playing with.
  5. When at a social gathering, always have a pre-booked exit strategy.
  6. A date is many things but it is not: a meet-up where he brings his friends, or Accidental Sex between 10PM to 3AM. Give up and find another fish if it’s either.
  7. Always keep in mind that you can be lonelier in the wrong relationship than you ever can be as a single girl.
  8. Diets are dull and make you duller. Other people will try and sabotage yours if you’re on one, so don’t tell them; just do it.
  9. You’re too smart to have enemies; there are just some people you need to play a smarter game with.
  10. The mathematical formula for the socially acceptable age range for your man is: double your age and subtract seven for older men; halve your age and add seven for younger men.

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Tuesday, December 04, 2007

TMI Tuesday

1. If your partner buys you a sexy little "something" is it a present for you or for your partner? It's a present for him. I can't stand those itchy, hot, hard to get into lingerie thingeys, but I will don them when the occassion demands.

2. What are 3 characteristics of "your type"? He is intelligent, he is funny and fun to be around and he is gorgeous.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how good a cook are you? 15!!! Emeril and Rachel Ray wished they could cook like me. Your moms wishes she could throw down in the kitchen like me. Okay...I'm not modest but my kitchen skills are the finger licking, plate licking, pot licking shiznit. I make even veggies taste badass!

4. Tattoos: Love them or hate them.? I can't stand them. I'm not really into body art. On me...hell to the naw! My body is so lusciously fine that I wouldn't want to taint it like that. On a partner...no way. Unless it's my name in big bold letters on his cock. Hehehe.

5. Stubble: Good or bad? How often do you shave? I like stubble, I find it quite sexy. It's not sexy rubbing against my shaven pussy but besides that I dig stubble. I shave every few days. I don't like shaving.

Bonus (as in optional):What are a few of your favorite things (both sexual non-sexual)? Snuggling, sweet wine and fires. Also shortbread cookies, swanky hotel rooms and lush linens like silk and 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton.

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Monday, December 03, 2007

Moving

Hey peoples,

It's been so quiet around here the last few days because I've been MOVING up the coast to OR. I've always known moving to be a tedious and irksome process, and this one was no different, even though it's been tinged with more excitement than any other move I've ever had.

So I'm typing this from Norio's laptop stealing the 'net off a neighbors server from our very own HOUSE. Can I get a hells yeah?

Pictures will be forthcoming soon once I unpack my camera and accessories and find out where the hell in the 26 foot UHAUL all my stuff is.

Hope all is well with you and yours.

xoxoxo

Vixen.

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Sunday, December 02, 2007

The Nanny Diaries

I haven't seen this movie yet but it's one of those that I can't wait to see when it comes out on December 4th. I've been eyeing this movie since they were shooting in NYC, mostly checking out the cute pictures but staying away from spoilers. The main reason is Alicia Keys, but I like Scarlett Johannsen as well. The trailer looks like a cross between Uptown Girls, Mean Girls and Dennis the Menace.

Has anyone seen this yet? The promo website is hella funny, they have a whole section for nannies to vent called the Nanny Confessional. Looks like something we will definitely be checking out this weekend.

The Nanny Diaries” tells the story of the emotional and often humorous
journey of Annie Braddock (Johansson), a young woman from a working-class
neighborhood in New Jersey, struggling to understand her place in the world.
Fresh out of college, she gets tremendous pressure from her nurse mother to find
a respectable position in the business world although Annie would prefer to
trade in her blackberry for an anthropologist's field diary. Through a
serendipitous meeting, Annie ends up in the elite and ritualistic culture of
Manhattan's Upper East Side -- as remote from Annie's suburban New Jersey
upbringing as life in an Amazon tribal village. Choosing to duck out of real
life, Annie accepts the position as a nanny for a wealthy family, referred to as
simply "the X's." She quickly learns that life is not very rosy on the other
side of the tax bracket, as she must cater to the every whim of Mrs. X (Linney)
and her precocious son Grayer, while attempting to avoid the formidable Mr. X
(Giamatti). Life becomes even more complicated when Annie falls for a gorgeous
neighbor of the X’s (Evans) who she nicknames Harvard Hottie, and is forced to
explore what she wants to do with her life.

Sounds like a movie up my alley. Please let me know if you've seen it and what you thought.

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