Sunday, October 28, 2007
Vixen is sick she has been in the hospital for the last two weeks hopefully she will be back home this week
this is kafo her sister
Posted by Vixen @ 5:01 PM ::
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Monday, October 22, 2007
When His Ex Goes Psycho Bitch Around You...
I got a question from one of my new readers. To paraphrase, she had recently started dating guy that had broken up with his former fiance a little over a month ago. Karen and the guy were really hitting it off.
Okay, he tells me that his ex still calls him once in awhile...makes excuses of why she needs to stop by his house, etc... He ALWAYS has been extremely honest with me and I respect him so much for that. He also told me that he informed her that we were now together.Wow, talk about awkward. Nothing beats getting caught up in the drama between a guy and his ex. As someone who has been on both ends of the spectrum, staying out of it was the right thing to do. You see, if you had gotten right in her face, it would have been blown more out of proportion with her turning the ire of the whole situation firmly on you. I can understand why she would be upset...and even why she's stalking her ex. However, for your sake, I would keep my distance for a while to let things to cool off. Why?
While I was driving him home we talked about our relationship, and he told me how happy he was, and that he had definitely made the right decision calling off the wedding because if he hadn't...we would not be together now. We got to his house around 3 a.m., he invited me inside, he went to the bathroom, and I let his dog outside. Not even a minute later, I saw something out of the corner of my eye, and it was his ex-fiance charging up the porch!! She had been waiting for us. I ran to tell him that she was outside the front door, and then I just kept myself hidden for their five-minute screaming session on the front porch. When he came back in, he was genuinely upset at the fact that she had come over, and he was constantly apologizing for her actions. I reassured him that it was not his fault she came over, and that he cannot control what she does.
So, I guess what I am trying to ask is, what would you have done in that situation...or in future situations? I could have easily followed him outside, but I do not want to sink to her level. She is older than me, but is acting much more immature than I have ever acted in my life. I am not sure if this will happen again, but my sixth sense is telling me that it probably will. I really like him, and he has treated me better than anyone that I have dated in the past. If you have any other questions about this situation, or if I have been unclear, please let me know and I will try to explain further. Thanks Vixen!!
They just broke up. The wounds are still fresh and although the reasons for breaking up on his part might be valid, I really don't feel sufficient time has passed to not place you as the Rebound Girl. The Rebound girl gets all the drama, all the emotions, and rarely ever gets the man. So, tread softly.
He sounds like he's into you, and you're definitely into him, but I would really step into this with a degree of caution. He's got waaaay too much going on with the ex right now, and he needs to end all that before you get caught in the crossfire. Her beef isn't really with you, but for some reason, the fixation of her anger will turn to you. She'll think you are the reason they aren't getting back together (she obviously wants him back), and then you get caught in the fray. It's illogical, but when has love ever made sense?
She's not through with him yet and I don't think he's through with her yet. He hasn't been able to firmly set boundaries for her for the fact that she's still calling him, and over at his place. Be careful honey, I would definitely give him some space to deal with his 'ex-issues.'
Labels: Ask Vixen, Break Ups
Posted by Vixen @ 4:51 PM ::
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Sunday, October 21, 2007
When He Doesn't Get Off
I'm sleeping with this really great guy but we're kind of having issues. The chemistry and everything is there and we're both very much physically attracted to each other but he doesn't seem to get off when we have sex. He'll get really really hard pre-sex and stay really hard the entire time and we'll have sex forever in billions of different positions but he won't get off. Is it something I'm doing wrong or any ideas on what I can do?
Okay your guy...ummm, hate to tell you this but he masturbates. ALOT! Like more than the average joe. He masturbates so much that nothing but porn and jacking off will do it for him. I've been there, and I tried ever single thing I could think of, and it wasn't until homeboy confessed to his love of porn that I was able to realize that it wasn't my fault or anything wrong with me---it was him.
Some guys have a skewed perception of sex. Mostly because their sex lives incorporate mostly XXX rated movies and porn chicks that like getting sprayed on their faces. If you aren't able to roll with that, chances are he'll never get off. You could incorporate his fantasies into your sex life, but frankly it's not just any woman's cup of tea.
There are ways to dirty up your sex, turn from making love to fucking and becoming a raunchy nympho but if that's not your vibe, then it will come off as fake anyway and then you won't like it. Why have sex that isn't good for you?
Me---I ended up dumping the guy. I didn't want to be secondary to his ideal of the perfect love muffin. However, if you think it's a compromise you can live with, then do you. Just make sure you get your orgasms, flick on his fav porn flick and let him do his thing. Or you could be nice and do it for him.
Labels: All About Sex, Ask Vixen
Posted by Vixen @ 5:06 PM ::
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Saturday, October 20, 2007
Yep...I've been sick. I'm better and home now...let's just pretend this never happened shall we?
Posted by Vixen @ 5:16 PM ::
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Friday, October 12, 2007
When He Misses His Ex
While getting soundly trounced at backgammon today, Norio and I started talking and somehow I brought up his ex and the fact that he hadn't heard from her in a while. She'd moved out of state and they have been able to keep a casual friendship even with me around. "Yeah, I'm surprised we haven't spoken in so long. I miss her," he stated.
Enter Vixen in her royally pissed and totally affronted mode. "WTF? Oh hell no you did not just say you missed your ex!!"
Granted he was being honest, but honestly---that's not something I would want to hear. Because somehow I equated that comment with the fact that he missed her presence, and missing her meant that somehow, I wasn't enough for him. I totally blew up, and turned the conversation into an argument, with him wishing desperately he hadn't blurted that out and using logic to pacify my emotions.
It's not that I think that he still has a thing for her, or that I feel threatened or insecure about their friendship. For me, it falls in the zone of one of the things that I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! Ignorance in this case is absolute bliss, and admitting that you miss someone that I absolutely detest is not the recipe for getting a great blowjob.
But I digress (me and my dirty mind).
When I finally let him get a word in edgewise, he was able to point out that missing someone that you shared a past with isn't grounds of betrayal. It's a natural human emotion that when it's not admitted could actually be construed as something else. He equated her with a period in his life that although it wasn't a fab relationship... his family life wasn't full of so much sorrow. So the parallel was that he missed his family. Tough sell, but he had enough emotion to convince me.
He truly didn't see what the big deal was, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was perpetuating my dislike of his ex on the whole situation.
So, here's one for the forum...was I over-reacting? Or is missing your ex truly a sign that you aren't 100% happy where you are now? Or is it somewhere in the middle?
Your thoughts please...guys too!
Labels: Relationship issues
Posted by Vixen @ 3:44 AM ::
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Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Okay, I'm suffering through an extreme bout of losing my muse...hence the silence. To find my Muse, I've decided to embark in TMI Tuesday. Okay, so today is Wednesday, I know, I know! Feel free to chime in with your answers to the questions, either on here or on your own blog. So, let's kiss and tell.
DISCLAIMER: This post is not suitable for anyone that knows me in real life. Proceed at your own risk!
1. Wash up, cuddle or fall asleep? Hmmm, it depends on how raw, dirty and messy the passionate romp was. Usually a quick wash-up with afterplay, followed by cuddling and falling asleep. So I guess it's all of the above.
2. Have you ever fake orgasms? Yes. Back in my younger, immature days, before I knew what a real orgasm was. Oh---and before I knew what a real lover was.
3. In any 24 hour period, what is the most number of time you have ever had sex? Five. It was after almost a 2 week separation from Norio last year after Thanksgiving. We had traveled to our respective families and reunited at the airport, to the hotel and straight to the bed. We checked into the hotel at 12 noon and left at 12 the next day. Needless to say our only foray to the outside world was to get the room service tray.
4. Have you ever had sex or give/received oral sex while you were driving a car? Yes. Dozens of times. Once even went all out and had sex while driving. Don't get any ideas people...that ish was crazy!
5. What do you think the average number of sexual partners your sex has in their lifetime (so for me a male)? Do you think most people lie when asked? I think most people lie when asked. At 26-29, I think the average woman would have had at least a dozen sexual partners (if not more). Probably only 2 or 3 of those were really remarkable. The numbers climb from there. Guys, I think they would have had probably 18. (Or they act like they've had that many!) Yes, I do agree we are in an oversexed generation.
Bonus (as in optional):Can men and women be "just friends?: Initially, maybe yes, but then someone always eventually wants more.
Labels: Hot Seat Tuesday
Posted by Vixen @ 4:25 AM ::
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Sunday, October 07, 2007
Sex Getting Better with Age
I was watching a show on Oprah last week about sex and an older lady who happened to be feisty bad girl commented on the fact that the older she got, the better sex got. She's in her late 50s, divorced and has a booty call when she's not in a relationship. Currently, she's single, but the cougar status is what rocks her socks when she does want a committed relationship. Go hot mama!
According to what I gleaned from what they said, these are the main elements of each decade.
So, do you think that sex is like fine wine and gets better with age?
- Sex in your 20s: It's about finding yourself, using sex to control and to feel better about self. It's bold, wild and crazy, pretty much just as much pussy/cock as you can get as if it was going out of style.
- Sex in your 30s: Is about letting out your wild child. Something along the lines of "I'm a Woman, hear me roar." Sex in the 30s is not as adventurous as the 20s, but not any less thrilling. Emphasis is placed with finding sexual compatibility with a partner, and not so much on one night stands and booty calls.
- Sex in 40s: Here, it's more self assured with a finer ability to communicate desires. You know what you want, how you want it and what you like, and it's so much easier to throw a bad fuck back into the ocean. You are after all in your sexual peak ladies!
- Sex in 50s: Hmmm, they never said anything about the 50s. Maybe it's a dud? j/k Any Bad girls in their fifties wanna chime in here to let us know what's up with the golden years?
- Sex in 60s & up: Is intimate and spiritual. It's less about the act and orgasms than it is about the spiritual connection. Most of the guys your age are not up to performing and boudoir antics like they were when younger, so there is more foreplay, necking and afterplay than actual sex. But when the sex does happen it's really spiritual and intimate.
Labels: All About Sex
Posted by Vixen @ 3:03 AM ::
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Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Happy Birthday to me!
Posted by Vixen @ 12:07 AM ::
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