Bad Girl's Guide

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Dressing to Impress

The saying that first impressions do last is utterly true. The way you look every time you step outside your door has the power to either negatively or positively influence how to you feel about yourself in certain situations. Most of us have learned to dress from our tender years of teen emancipation, however once in a while I have come across a few people that have no idea how to dress properly.

As women we are different and come in varied shapes and sizes. What looks good on your best friend might not necessarily look good on you. Also, what used to look good on you while you were in college might not even be able to fit properly now.

To feel confident every time you get dressed doesn't always pertain only to the clothes. Self-confidence begins from within, however dressing to knock 'em dead maintains the fact should you confidence ever waver.

When deciding to revamp your wardrobe, have a few friends over. Bring out your favorite and most worn clothes. Show them pictures of your outfits on you, try them on, and let them pick and choose which ones are their favorites. By getting peer evaluation, you can have a more pragmatic look at what works best for you that isn't centered on necessarily what you always normally wear. Pay attention to what your friends say. Notice the material, color and cut of the outfits they suggest and plan accordingly. They will tell you the stuff you need to get rid off. Anything that you haven't worn in a year should be donated to Goodwill as well. This includes shoes and purses.

For starters, you have to play up your assets. I mean your ASSets. Every woman has assets, and you know how guys are fascinated by them. The foundation of every good wardrobe are jeans. There is nothing that plays them up better than a pair of well-fitting jeans. Well-fitting. This does not include anything that cuts off circulation to your legs or anything that is so free flowing that you can make 2 jeans that fit you just as well.

Finding the perfect pair(s) of jeans is a quest that needs at least one full shopping day. When you are going to try on jeans, you should go with a really good friend that won't mind telling you how fab your butt looks in them. Try designers and brands that you haven't tried before, you might be surprised. I love finding jeans as discount stores like Marshall and TJ Maxx where the other labels send their overstock. Sure, they might be irregularly cut or last season, but if it's a good fit, who cares? When trying on the jeans, remember that they will probably shrink in the laundry. While they are on try walking. If you fall or stumble, chances are they aren't a good fit. Also try sitting in them. Good jeans will only need minor adjustments when you sit and stand. If they are low-riders, please I beg you, use a belt! Showing thongs is soooo last century. If you find the perfect jean, pick up a few more pairs of the same label (if you can afford to do so). Every woman should have a dark indigo jean, light blue jean and one that is in between. The more variety in the jean closet, the more you can play up your butt.

Another great cornerstone is the right shirt. Once again, note the kind of tops your friends suggested. Pay attention to the areas that you want to show off and the ones you would rather hide and plan accordingly. I love shirts that have my beautiful back exposed or something that accentuates and bust and loosely grazes the waistline. So empire cut shirts, backless or spaghetti straps are the shirts for me. Once you figure out the style that works best for your body, keep to the formula. If you have belly fat, don't buy shirts that are too tiny or that hug your rolls. Go for more free-flowing garb, with more cleavage showing. If you don't like your arms, wear shirts with nice long sleeves. When looking at a shirt take each feature separately and once again, it's all about playing up those assets.

To tie it all together, the benchmark of every good outfit is accessories. Accentuate your bust with a necklace, elongate your neck with a choker or be fun and playful with bracelets. Draw eyes to your nice long fingers with an eye catching ring in a unique color. You can get cheap but nice jewellery nowadays from boutiques and stores like Claire's. My best friend found this really nice amethyst ring from TJ Maxx for a steal price of 10 bucks. Accessorise help to bring the outfit all together. Heels, boots, purses and scarves; anything else that helps to add color and life to your outfit falls under this category. If you are on a budget, get accessories that can fit multiple outfits in your closet.

Above all the clothes must scream YOU. Your personality, your lifestyle, your choices. If you dress up exactly like the mannequin you saw in the store and don't inject anything of yourself into your clothes, what good is that?

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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Love Keeps Me Focused

Question: I find myself in this situation very often. When I’m not in a relationship I tend to lose motivation to do things. Such as, schoolwork or any sort of activity that will help me in the long run. I have a passion for writing. (even though my grammar says otherwise) yet, after my ex, I can't see myself focused on school, nor on my writing projects. I hate to be that girl who needs a relationship to feel complete. I find myself losing interest in school and myself. I have always had a problem with focusing on the important things. My last boyfriend was always there to encourage me and push me to do what I had to do. Yet he's not here anymore, and I know I shouldn’t depend on a cheerleader to keep me focused. What should I do? I try hard in staying focused on my grind. At times I find myself thinking about my Ex and wishing I had someone with me. I’m so pathetic I know. I once knew this girl who was always on top of things. She didn’t focus on parties or men and when I look at her now, it makes me wish I was more like her. More confident, more determined, thick skinned, bolder, and more emotionally independent. Any suggestions?

First of all I think you are focusing on several different issues here.
  1. You are more of an artistic, creative person, who doesn't have organization and focus unless when your energies are channeled by a relationship.
  2. You equate success with being in a relationship or having a man in your life.
  3. You miss your ex and wish you were in a relationship.
  4. You want to be different and want to change.

For starters, not everyone is of the focused sort. Have you taken any personality tests yet? You should, it will give you insight on your personality and where alot of your motivations lie. You will also realise more of your personality flaws and then be able to fix it. Getting organized and focused is a multi-layered process that only the type A people have been able to nail down to a science.

The one thing that works for me in getting organized is lists. I create lists of things that I plan to do, things I need to accomplish on a daily, weekly, montly and life plan basis. Then I tackle each thing on the list one by one, scratching each off when I have done it. (Something about scratching things off the list is sooooo gratifying to me!) You can use handwritten lists, get an organizer, a palm pilot or use your Microsoft Outlook program. You can put school assignments, projects and other goals all on your list. Make a vow that you won't go to bed without completing at least 85% of your list. And whatever is left over, just tackle it the next day. Eventually you will start to realise that you are achieving much more on a daily basis (and you don't even have a guy pushing you to do stuff!)

You cannot have men be the focusing feature on your life. Not only is this crippling to your personal growth, it turns you into a statistic, one of those women that can't live a successful life without a man by her side. You don't need a man---you just want one, there is a difference. You have to prove to yourself that you can live a fulfilling and successful life by yourself and achieve your goals. They are YOUR goals, not his, and so should be YOUR effort and focus to attain them. That way, when you do reach them, they will be all the sweeter, the sweat of your brow, your hard work and elbow grease that got you here.

Now missing your ex---we've all been there hon, but rest assured that this too will pass. Eventually all the intense feelings you have of him now will fade. It's just a question of time and space. Remember, keeping him in your life is not going to help you get over him, so stick to the plan and ex your ex. Totally.

That girl that you admire, who seems to have it altogether? Why don't you speak to her, make friends with her and find out what makes her tick. Remember, your friends are a reflection of who you are, and sometimes your friends might not be pushing/pulling you in the right direction. If your friends are not being supportive of you and trying to build you up, then they are pulling you down, one way or another.

One more thing---SCHOOL IS IMPORTANT. VERY, VERY IMPORTANT! Men will always be around as long as you are a woman with a pussy, but now is the time to focus on your education. The grades you get now, the knowledge you gain now will all matter down the road. This should be your first priority at all times. Anything that comes between you and your future is not acceptable in any shape, form or fashion.

Your thoughts?

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Monday, November 27, 2006

Thank You...!

To everyone who has ever taken a moment out of their day to read this little corner of my blogosphere...thank you.

To all the wonderful people that have left their comments, thoughts and opinions on every topic, whether controversial or of a different view, thank you.

To all the readers that have left me supportive emails and comments in times of distress...thank you.

To those that have emailed me with questions, referrals and fanmail...thank you.

To each of you that have referred this blog or a post to a friend....thank you.

Thank you all from the very bottom of my heart. You have no idea how much your input and presence matters to me.

~ Vixen.

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Saturday, November 25, 2006

Tips on Staying Committed to Your Partner

There is an article in October's issue of Women's Health written by James Vlahos that further elucidates how to form a closer monogamous bond with your partner. Contrary to the popular belief that our generation doesn't have the fortitude to be committed to one person 'until death', the writer explores the facets of attraction and how to keep the zing in the relationship even when you are long term monogamous.

Science has proven to us that the brain does secrete chemicals that make us get the feelings of lust, romantic love and attachment. However, even though we get these urges, for some reason, the brain slows down on the chemical 'doping' once the attachment is formed. It's like Mother Nature does everything in her power to get you together and then right after that----you are on your own.

The author further explores how to trick your brain into staying faithful to one partner. He actually planned a date using precepts from nature and science with his girlfriend just to test his theory. Here are the most interesting conclusions:

  1. Exercise together. Like Elle Woods would say, "Exercise gives you endorphins...endorphins make you happy."
  2. Do exciting things together. Then you associate the good, exciting feelings with being with your partner.
  3. Cuddle. Mmmm! Cuddling increases the body's levels of oxytocin, and this makes you horny.
  4. Do the deed. (I really don't need a second invitation/reason on this one!)

What are some other things that you think a couple should engage in to keep the sparks alive and the relationship strong?

Read the article in it's entirety HERE.

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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Dealing with Regrets

We all have moments of guilt over decisions and choices we have made in the past. Hindsight is indeed perfect and I'm sure that there might be one or two instances in your past that you would like to go back to, if only for the purpose of changing or rewriting history.

As much as you want to---yeah, it is impossible to change your past. However, you can learn from it and never make the same mistakes (or variations of those mistakes) over again. The most unpleasant aspect of bad choices/judgement is the consequences of those actions, and for many, it's the consequences that we come to regret, and not the action itself.

Even though it's such a hard thing to do on a consistent basis, I try to never feel regret over my mistakes. My belief is that every single experience I've had on this earth; good, bad or indifferent had in some shape or form the power into making me become the person I am today. I totally love this person---this woman that I am and wouldn't change anything about her. I'm stronger, wiser and more in touch with myself, not only because of those experiences but in spite of them.

Of course, I'm a glass half full kinda girl. How do you deal with regret?
Your thoughts please.


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Sunday, November 19, 2006

Sex in Islam

The Wall Street Journal a few weeks ago had an inspiring story of Dr. Heba Kotb, a Muslim medical doctor and sex therapist based in Cairo. She's one of the first in the Islamic religion to talk about sex in public. Her teachings have been inspirational to both married and single women, who have never been taught anything about sex because it's a taboo subject culturally. Most of the information they do have is gleaned from the internet and their peers, so Islamic women have had to deal with intimacy based on what little information they have obtained from society.

This radical approach has enlightened many women, mostly middle-class married women with families who have sexual problems at home. In addition to a TV and radio talk show, seminars and lectures route, couples come to her for counseling and she encourages them to open the lines of sexual communication as well as advice on satisfying your partner and increasing intimacy. Dr. Kotb has been able to circumvent the more stringent beliefs of Muslims regarding sexuality by incorporating alot of what she's teaching with knowledge directly gotten from the Qu'aran as well as their culture. Mixing religion with science has allowed for more open-mindedness in learning from her.

However, there are those who feel that educating women this way is the first step that leads down the road to "Western promiscuity". It's forbidden to have sex before marriage according to the Islamic belief, and her critics say that talking about sex has the probability of exciting young minds into breaking that founding precept.

Abdel Moety Bayoumi, a member of the Islamic Research Academy, said sex education could be accepted if done "from a religious perspective" to teach people what's right and what's wrong. There was no need for going beyond that, he added. "Look at how many generations have gone through their whole lives without sex education. Did this affect human life?"

I was raised in a staunch religious background which made sex a taboo as well. However, I realised that the older I got, the more I wanted to learn about it. I couldn't talk to my parents about it, and my friends were just as clueless as I was. Not having the resources and opportunity at my disposal made me end up learning things the hard, dumb way---through experience! Some were good, but the bad ones could have been avoided if I was better informed in my youth.

What do you think? Does sex education really make you want to have sex?

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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Blowjob Excuses

One of my favorite bloggettes, Vix at Overeducated Nympho aka the one and only new SUPERBLOG, wrote an excellent article that completely negates every single excuse that women have regarding giving blowjobs. She took every single one of the fourteen excuses that women have been known to issue in the past regarding blowjobs and decimated them one by one in her witty and refreshing outlook.

Here's an excerpt from her piece:

  • There is so much hair. Yes, an excellent point. But more and more guys are trimming or even completely shaving that area, so there’s a much lower frequency of pubic flossing than there was five years ago. I have found that it’s fairly easy to talk a guy into trimming if you do yourself already. And if he does it once he’ll see how huuuge his penis looks without all the hair. (The most master-minded of optical illusions.)
  • It’s so funny looking. Eh well yeah. But they’re ALL funny-lookin’ so get over it. We girls are just as funny-lookin’ down there. We have folds and ins and outs and stuff. Golly gee whiz holy moly it’s amazing any of us ever look at each other naked. Oh, right. Hormones or pheromones or some shit. And then there’s the occasional weirdo like me who likes looking at hairy ugly funny-lookin’ things that are waving at me. What?? They’re fun to play with.
  • I don’t like to see guys naked. Um, there may be a much bigger problem at work here. One is that you’re just not very sexual at all, and I fancy you don’t much like seeing yourself naked either, or you should wait a few more days until I write the post called “How to Go Down on a Woman.” Just sayin’. Either way, both matters are way bigger than my little blog.
  • Blowjobs are degrading. No they’re not. Sweetie, you’re the one who’s got him by the balls, I think it’s obvious who’s in charge here.

Ok now that I've whetted your appetite, go read the article in its entirety HERE. Right now!

What are some excuses that you've come across not mentioned here that women/men give for not liking to give oral pleasure to their partners? Do you think it's because we as humans are by nature a selfish entity?

Your thoughts?

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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Trust & Love

In relationships, trust is one of the foundation stones. The thing about trust is that it's usually given without reservations, until it's broken. Once it is, trust is one of the hardest things to ever get back---sometimes nigh impossible.

I'll be the first to admit to my flaws (as many as they are). I'm a true cynic when it comes to guys. Experience has shown me that it's better to take everything they say or do at face value and with a healthy dose of skepticism until shown otherwise. Usually because most of the time, they talk up a good game and then can't deliver.

However that also backfires soundly. You start worrying over the most trivial things, when if you trusted implicitly it would not be an issue at all. You fret and agonize over every single issue that pops up, eventually worrying yourself into an insecure, needy spot and turning your relationship into a self-fulfilling prophecy of your own disbelief. And then we wonder why there are no good guys left, and why every man we end up with ends up being untrustworthy. Thinking the worse of someone until they have proven themselves worthy of your trust isn't the right thing to do, and in addition it's quite exhausting.

So, how does a woman of this century protect her heart and still remain optimistic at the same time?

First of all I think it starts within yourself. You are your own greatest foe when it comes to relationships. Figure out what your relationship patterns are, the kind of men you keep getting tangled with and what baggage from your past you are still holding on to. Then systematically analyze and break it all down, finding associations and correlations that you might not think of initially . Because at the end of the day, the common denominator in all your failed relationships is...you.

Secondly, cleanse your heart, mind, soul, body and spirit from all the negative influences that have clouded your perspective and your life (which include friends, families, exes, music etc.) Also bear in mind that the television, magazines and books have the ability to cloud your mind as well. Cleanse yourself totally inside and out. Take up a sport, yoga or martial arts. Reconnect with your spirit, your conscience, your God. Do whatever you have to do to get back to the happy, fulfilled and inspiring person that you were before you dipped your toes into this crazy thing called love.

When you have developed yourself into the phenomenal, radiant woman you are, only then do you get back into meeting people and developing relationships. Network, be social, be gracious and keep yourself open to every possibility that comes your way. Because really, you don't know if the guy who is right for you is the guy next door or down the street. Only by keeping yourself open to every possibility will you find the gem you seek. Remember, he's not going to charge in on a white horse in shining armor, filling every single one of the checks on your 344-point list---Mr. Right might even come in a whole different package.

Last but not least. Trust. Trust even though everything in you is screaming not to. Trust that every experience and person you meet is just another stepping stone to your ideal self. Trust in him until he's shown himself approved (or not).

Your thoughts?


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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

HPV, the New 'Sex Cold'

Moxie had a great thread in her blog a while back about HPV. In it, she got asked by a reader what her thoughts were on the fact that his new girlfriend confided in him that she has HPV. She threw the question to her readers, starting a debate that soon grew into a multiple sided issue. It turns out, alot of sexually active people don't know diddly squat about STDs, especially HPV. In the thread there was alot of misinformation as well as negative slants on the progression and contagious nature of the virus. More seemed shocked that Moxie didn't know that much about it and failed to realise that they barely knew anything about it themselves.

HPV seems to be more rampant now than even AIDS is. Apparently 80% of sexually active people in the United States are infected, and most don't even know it. In addition to that, males have the propensity to carry the virus and transfer it to women who don't realise they have anything wrong with them until warts appear or it leads to cervical cancer. There are many strains of HPV, apparently hundreds, and not all of them lead to cervical cancer, but it's a chance that we should not be willing to take.

Condoms, although not 100% effective still show the best protection against this virus. At least until the HPV vaccine is in mass production & use, but even then, it will only protect against most strains of the virus but not all.

Fortunately, our bodies are geared up to fight this as well. Most immune systems can process and get rid of the virus within 12 months since inception, however there is a possibility that you might get infected by another strain in the future.

HPV is becoming as common as the cold. And that is just friggin' scary.

Your thoughts?

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Sunday, November 12, 2006

More About Booty Calls

Okay, so my friend and I both have booty calls but we both are sitting in different situations. We need some clarity on the rules. Can you call everyday just to talk? If he stays over is that a booty call? Can you sleep with other people or if you don't then does that mean that you are headed into a relationship? How long can a booty call last?

It sounds like your friend and you both have differing opinions. First of all, have you read THIS and THIS post?

In every situation, there can be a different set of boundaries for booty calls. The first rule of having a booty call is that it's 'no strings attached' sex. Which means, no strings whatsoever in any shape or form. If you are one of those women that her heart follows where her body leads, then this might be a difficult scenario for you.

So knowing that this is the first fundamental rule of having a booty call, why would you call him everyday to chat with him? Why create a friendship outside the boudoir when you are using each other purely for sex? Why are you setting yourself up for heartbreak?

Here's the deal---the more you interact with someone, the greater the sense of attachment that you will have. So, if you talk to him everyday and hang out with him socially, you are forming attachments. Attachments lead to a crush and then you are heading down the "I'm in love with my booty call but he doesn't want me for anything other than sex" zone. And you know where that goes--yep, Heartbreak-ville.

I believe that having him spend the night is another string of attachment. The more time you spend with him, the closer you two will get. That's why it's advisable to keep a booty call strictly about the booty. Get your physical needs taken care of and then bounce.

Sure, it's convenient and comfortable to snuggle up together and fall asleep, but while you are snuggling, remember that your body is equating this bonding with the type of feelings and hormones that you would get from spending the night with your boyfriend. Are you forming an attachment by spending the whole night with him? Yes.

Now sleeping with other people---that's a more grey area. It depends on you and how you want to approach your relationship. I strongly feel that in this day and age, sexual scenarios should be strictly monogamous. Mainly because research has proven that the more people you have sex with, the more STDs you are exposed to. Using the formula that everyone has slept with at least 5 people, if you multiply all your lovers by 5 and then his by 5, and keep multiplying by 5 (for every five each of those people slept with) until you reach a statistical ratio that satisfies the formula--yep, that's how many sexually active people you've come in contact with. And there is no way in hell you can guarantee to me that all of those 5146+ people had protected sex 100% of the time.

However, you should conversely bear in mind that you can't expect fidelity from your booty call. Monogamy, as strongly as I suggest it, is a string. And this over-rules the definition of a booty call. It's really up to both of you what you decide. Being monogamous doesn't mean that you are in a relationship. No matter what you do, make sure that you stay protected AT ALL TIMES! It's 2006 sista girl and there is no excuse for not ensuring that his dick is wrapped up. Stay safe and smart!

As to the length of a booty call, it can last as long as you both can keep it up. Usually, within a few months, one of the parties ends up ending the relationship for sundry reasons. The most common are that one of you found someone else, decides to move on or one of you started getting clingy/needy or the drama was getting to you.

I hope this clarifies a few things for you.
Your thoughts?

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Thursday, November 09, 2006

Taking Charge in Bed

The media and society have propelled sexual empowerment for women rapidly ahead in the last decade. I remember a time when it was taboo for a woman to seek out a man purely for a sexual encounter however now we have definitions, boundaries and tips for everything from a casual one nighter to a regular fuck buddy.

Guys have always been cast in the role of the assertive aggressor in the relationship. He's usually the one the initiates sex either by asking for it, seducing you and sometimes practically commanding you to his behest. Women on the other hand in the past have been known to be more submissive. More traditional roles even place a woman as lying stoically on the bed like marble while she completes her 'wifely duty'--(yeesh!)

Thank goodness times have changed. And changed drastically they have. Morph into Samantha from Sex and the City and actively take charge of your orgasms, your libido, your passion and your sex life. C'mon, we've all heard over and over again how guys say that they want 'a lady on the street but a tigress in bed.' Be the tempting siren.

You don't have to feel shy or embarrassed in dragging him to your lair to have your wicked way with him. You can suggest, seduce and flirt to your hearts content. In fact, 91%% of men report that they totally love it when their lady initiates sexual play.

Don't be afraid, take the lead. Don't let any hold you back. If you want it---go after it with a passion that expresses all your feminine urges. Here are some saucy tips to get you started.
  • Grabbing him and planting a searing kiss on his lips as soon as he comes through the door, followed by a hot and heavy makeout session---followed by, whatever your daring heart desires.
  • Whipping off his belt/pants/boxers faster than he can say Jack Robinson, then heading down south to actually enjoy pleasing your man.
  • Whispering naughty innuendos to him while in public sends his brain into overdrive.
  • Heading to the ladies room to remove your sexy undies and slipping them to him with a seductive smile.
  • Initiating role play and sexy toys into your repertoire. Let's not leave it just up to him to keep things interesting---do an equal part in spicing things up.
  • Ask what his ultimate sexual fantasy is. Then enact it complete with props and attitude.
  • Try something new, a new position, technique or place that you wouldn't normally go for.
  • Erotic messages via phone, notes or email throughout the day are enough to make him wanting you the moment he sets eyes on you again.
You know you want it. And you know you want it good. Seek it, claim it and attain it. Good loving!

Your thoughts?

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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The Art of Spooning

Ever since I realised what Spooning was, I've enjoyed it. There is such comfort, security and sense of attachment found with just that one position. When cuddling, most couples end up with the woman as the little spoon and the man curving around her like the big spoon. Over my Spoon Cuddling history, I've found out that there are different kinds of spooners. Some can be mixes of a couple of the styles, while some guys tend just not to spoon at all. The way a guy spoons you can be indicative of the level of your relationship at that particular period. Who knew?

  1. The guy that doesn't Spoon you at all, no matter what: Since spooning is a full body contact, this isn't the kind of affection you would get from your garden variety booty call. He's out the door (or pushing you out) as soon as you're done having sex so that he can claim his space back. He's still in the self-absorbed mode and not ready for a relationship. He's your booty call. Booty call only. Don't get it twisted hun!
  2. The guy that Spoons you only because you ask him to: Usually the shy sort, he's the guy that doesn't want to get in your personal space without a direct invitation from you. He's the same guy that waits for you to initiate everything---the first kiss, the first cuddle, the first shag. This could be attribuated to fear of rejection or rejection in the past. He's not comfortable with you yet but he does like you.
  3. The guy that Spoons you only during afterplay...or until he falls asleep: He knows that afterplay involves spooning. He does understand the rudiments of a proper boudoir session and knows that spooning is like the icing on top of the cake. However, he's not intrinsically bonded to you yet. As soon as he falls asleep, his arm lags and he resumes his regular sleep position. His subconscious isn't that aware of you.
  4. The guy that Spoons you until you fall asleep: He's trying this guy, but spooning is not a natural action for him yet. He does like you alot, enough to be uncomfortable for several minutes, wondering how long your elbow is going to be digging into his stomach. He won't voice a complaint though, he'll just wait until you relax and then he can relax as well.
  5. The guy that Spoons you all night long: Well, pretty much we know the answer to this one. He's totally in love with you. He wants to keep you close all through the night, even though hours later his arm is probably cramped and falling off from lack of blood. He's the guy that his arm tightens around you whenever you move around, even though he's snoring up a storm and you know he's dead asleep. He's so into you that he's still aware of you in his subconscious/unconscious state. Yep, he's in love.
  6. The guy that wants you to spoon him: This is the guy that is so comfortable with you that he can ask you to do anything. Although it's not the norm for the girl to be the big spoon, he enjoys the feeling as well (even though he might not admit it). He feels your loyalty and a sense of security that you've got his back.

We know the comfort and reassurance that we ladies get from being the little spoon. Why not reverse the position and share the same affection with your guy once in while? He'll like it, trust me!

Are there any other Spooners that come into your mind that I haven't mentioned here? What are your best/worst spooning stories?

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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

WOOHOO!!!

Internet!!! What a beautiful thing. I never realise how much I'm addicted to the computer until the moments when I don't have it. I guess it's official now, I'm in my new crib, using my new ISP. Life is good.

I have 200+ blogs to read (why is it that when I'm offline you guys all decide to blog up a storm?)

So what are we going to talk about today?
How about the top 10 ways to move in with your boyfriend without driving each other bonkers? That's a good topic.

I'll be back!

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Thursday, November 02, 2006

Hey!!!

Hi everyone,

I'm emerging from the land of boxes, packing, moving and wondering what the hell I kept my college textbooks for to announce to you that I'm alive and well!

Unfortunately, the new place doesn't have internet yet, so I'm going to be offline for the rest of the week. Hopefully Comcast will hook me up soon. Until then, feel free to read any of the great bloggers to the left hand side, I'm sure they will be able to give you a fix until I get back.

Hope everything is great with everyone.

Ciao,

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Posted by Vixen @ 7:15 PM :: 1 trainees letting it rip!

Talk to Me!

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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Safety Tips For Women

This information is from a personal safety workshop given by Pat Malone, who has been a body guard for famous figures like Farrah Fawcett and Sylvester Stallone. He now works for the FBI, and teaches police officers and Navy Seals hand-to-hand combat.

HOW TO AVOID BEING THE VICTIM OF A VIOLENT CRIME

The three reasons women are easy targets for random acts of violence are:

  1. Lack of awareness: You MUST know where you are & what's going on around you.
    Body language:
    Keep your head up, swing your arms, stand straight up
    Wrong place, wrong time:
    DON'T be walking alone in an alley, or driving in a bad neighborhood at night
  2. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating,working, etc, and just sit
    (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc).
    DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in the passenger side, put a gun to your
    head, and tell you where to go.
  3. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.
  4. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
    1. Be aware: Look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. Check under the car as well. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. Look at the car parked on the drivers side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY.
    2. Always take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone.
    3. Do not get on an elevator if there is a weirdo already on there. Of course, bad men don't always look bad.
    4. Do not stand back in the corners of the elevator, be near the front, the doors--ready to get off or on.
    5. If you get on the elevator on the 25th floor going down, and the Boogie Man gets on at the 22nd floor, get off as soon on the next floor.
  5. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS run!
    1. POLICE only make 4 of 10 shots when they are in range of 3-9 feet. This is due to stress.
    2. The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times. And even then, it most likely will NOT be a vital organ. RUN!
  6. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT, it may get you raped or killed!
    1. Ted Bundy, was a Good looking, well-educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.
    2. Pat Malone tells the story of his daughter, who came out of the mall and was walking to her car when she noticed 2 older ladies in front of her. Then she saw a police car come towards her with 2 cops and they said hello. She also noticed that all 8 handicapped spots in the area were empty. As she neared her car she saw a man a few rows over calling to her for help. Hewanted her to close his passenger side door. He was sitting in the drivers side, and said he was handicapped. He continued calling, until she turned and headed back to the mall, and then he began cursing at her. She wondered why he didn't ask the 2 older ladies, or the policeman for help, and why he was not parked in any of the empty handicap spots. As she got back to the mall, two male friends of hers were exiting, and as she told them the story, and turned to point at the car, a male was getting out of the back seat into the front, and the car sped away. DON'T GET CAUGHT IN THIS TRAP!
  7. Tips to saving your life, if you have gotten into a violent situation:
    1. REACT IMMEDIATELY: If he abducts you in a parking lot, and is taking you to an abandoned area, DON'T LET HIM GET YOU TO THAT AREA!
    2. If you are driving, react immediately in the situation, and crash your car while still going 5 MPH
    3. If he's driving, find the right time, and stick your fingers in his eyes. He must watch the road, so choose an unsuspecting time, and gouge him. It is your ONLY defense. While he is in shock, GET OUT. (This sounds gross, but the alternative is worse if you do not act.)
  8. RESIST: don't go along with him: run, if you are able
    1. Scream
    2. You DO NOT want to get to crime scene # 2. There is less chance of help there.
  9. DON'T EVER GIVE UP! Do not stop struggling. Do not make it easy for him. Keep looking for a way to escape or alert attention to yourself.
  10. Always keep your distance when walking past strangers on the street or in dark areas.
  11. GET A CELL PHONE.
    There are packages for $19.95 a month that allow you to program only 911 into the dialing out program (this is for parents who say it is too expensive for their kids to have a cell phone.)
  12. If you are walking alone in the dark (which you shouldn't be) and you find him following/chasing you
    A. Scream "FIRE!", and not "help". People don't want to get involved when people yell "help", but "fire" draws attention because people are nosy.
    B. RUN!
    C. Find an obstacle, such as a parked car, and run around it, like ring around the rosie. (This may sound silly, but over the years, 5 women have told Pat Malone that this SAVED THEIR LIVES.)
  13. Your last hope is getting under the car. Once you are under there there are tons of things to hold on to, and he will not be able to get you out, and will not come under for you (most likely). Usually they give up by this point. The catch here is that YOU MUST PRACTICE GETTING UNDER THE CAR. You must have a plan (he will have one); know if you will be going on your back, front, from the side or back of the car. It must be practiced.
  14. Never let yourself or anyone that you know be a "closer" in any type of business (bar, store, restaurant, gas station)
  15. BREAK DOWNS: (avoid this by ALWAYS keeping your car in good working order)
    1. If your car breaks down: you better have a cell phone to call for help, and lock your doors!
    2. Keep a blanket, and a pair of warm clothes and boots, and a flashlight in your car always for emergencies.
    3. If you don't have a cell phone: (shame on you)

    a. And it's noon on a business day, you MAY want to put your hazards on and walk to safety
    b. And it's 2 a.m.: put on your warm clothes, and walk to a lighted area.
    (i.) You are a perfect target if you are sitting in your car broken down!
    (ii.) Predators search the highways for easy targets like you.
    c. And you're on a desolate road: walk away from the car (in your warm clothes) and go to some bushes, or some area AWAY from your vehicle. It will be cold, and uncomfortable, but you DO NOT want to stay in your car, and there are no psychic boogiemen waiting in the bushes who knew you were going to break down.

Physical defenses that we can use against the violent predator:

A. The eyes are the most vulnerable part of the body. Poke him there, and you have (possibly) your only window of opportunity.
B. The neck is also a vulnerable spot, but you MUST know where to grip, AND HAVE THE STRENGTH to cut off his breath.
C. The last place is the KNEES. Everyone's knees are very vulnerable, and a swift kick here will take anyone down* a cautionary note about these things is that if you do not do these things right the first time, you are a in trouble, because it will only anger the individual, and that anger will be TAKEN OUT ON YOU. I'm not saying don't attempt them (it may be your only hope), but be forceful when you do.

Culled from People Helping People.com

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Posted by Vixen @ 9:45 PM :: 0 trainees letting it rip!

Talk to Me!

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